Jimmy Shubert - Conjoined Twins

Ford, Benson, Roy, Shubert Season 4, Ep 0410 12/18/2000 Views: 2,178

It would suck to have someone else connected to you. (2:26)

THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL, AND THEY

HAD THIS DOCUMENTARY ON ABOUT

THESE SIAMESE TWINS, BUT YOU

CAN'T REALLY CALL 'EM SIAMESE

TWINS, THEY'RE CALLED CONJOINAL

TWINS NOW.

I WAS WATCHING THIS.

I FELT BAD FOR THEM, YOU KNOW.

'CAUSE THE THING IS, YOU TAKE

THINGS FOR GRANTED BEING ONE

PERSON.

I MEAN, COULD YOU IMAGINE HAVING

SOMEBODY ELSE CONNECTED TO YOU?

THAT WOULD SUCK, I'M SORRY!

(LAUGHTER)

BUT THE WEIRD THING WAS, IT WAS

LIKE, THE ONE LADY WAS, LIKE,

SHE WAS LIKE A REGULAR-SIZED

LADY, AND THEN CONNECTED TO HER

HEAD WAS A MUCH SMALLER PERSON.

I MEAN THERE'S REALLY NO NICE

WAY TO SAY IT.

THE LADY HAD A MIDGET HANGING

OFF HER HEAD.

SHE HAD TO WHEEL HER AROUND IN

THIS LITTLE STAND LIKE SHE WAS

A BAD PUPPET ACT OR SOMETHING.

(LAUGHTER)

NO, I'M JUST TELLING YOU WHAT

I SAW!

AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE FUNNY

PART.

THE ONE LADY WANTS TO BE A

COUNTRY WESTERN SINGER.

DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M TALKING

ABOUT HERE?

UNBELIEVABLE.

AND NO ONE HAD THE HEART TO TELL

HER, "YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY CAN'T

BE A COUNTRY WESTERN SINGER WITH

A MIDGET HANGING OFF YOUR ON A

STICK THAT YOU'RE WHEELING

AROUND.

LIKE, WHY DON'T YOU BECOME

A VENTRILOQUIST FOR GOD'S SAKES,

YOU'RE HALFWAY THERE!

BUT A COUNTRY WESTERN SINGER,

MY GOD!

YOU'RE GOING AGAINST

SHANIA TWAIN!"

IT'S NOT LIKE A MOLE WITH A

COUPLE OF HAIRS COMING OUT OF

IT.

IT'S A MIDGET!

AND FIRST OFF, LET'S NOT GET

CRAZY, ALL RIGHT?

I'M NOT EVEN TAKING THINGS FROM

THE MIDGET'S SIDE, ALL RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, THINGS ARE BAD ENOUGH

YOU'RE A MIDGET, AND THEN YOU

WIND UP CONNECTED TO A COUNTRY

SINGER?

HOW BAD WOULD THAT SUCK?

I MEAN, IT'S JUST TOUGH!

IT'S JUST TOUGH!

YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.

YOU CAN'T EVEN GO ON A REGULAR

DATE.

HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION.

LET'S SAY YOU WERE ATTRACTED

TO THE COUNTRY WESTERN SINGER,

AND YOU WANTED TO TAKE HER

ON A DATE.

YOU KNOW?

YOU GOTTA PICK UP DINNER

FOR THE MIDGET, TOO?

WHAT'S THE ETIQUETTE ON THAT?

I DON'T KNOW, I'M JUST ASKING!

I DON'T KNOW!

AND GOD FORBID YOU GOT LUCKY,

AND YOU WERE HAVING SEX

WITH THE COUNTRY WESTERN SINGER

AND YOU'RE GOING AT IT, AND THE

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THE MIDGET

STARTS TAKING OFF HER CLOTHES.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MIDGET?

I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR SISTER.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT, YOU CREEPY LITTLE

MIDGET!

ALL RIGHT, YOU CREEPY LITTLE

MIDGET.

COME ON!

HEY!

COME ON!

HOW GREAT WOULD THAT BE?!

LISTEN, YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN A LOT