Greg Warren - Looking Married

  • Season 13, Ep 19
  • 01/11/2009
  • Views: 13,028

Greg's married friends live vicariously through him, which is a shame for them. (2:01)

UM...

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I LOOK MARRIED.

WOMEN TELL ME THAT ALL THE TIME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN,

BUT I DON'T THINKIT'S A COMPLIMENT.

I THINK THEY'RE SAYING,"YOU LOOK DEFEATED."

I ASKED MY FRIEND NIKKI,I WAS LIKE,

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN --I LOOK MARRIED?"

SHE GOES, "WELL, IT LOOKS LIKEYOU DON'T EVEN TRY ANYMORE."

"I THOUGHT WOMEN WERE ATTRACTEDWHEN GUYS DIDN'T TRY."

"NO, NO. THOSE GUYSDON'T HAVE TO TRY.

YOU NEED TO TRY."

MY FRIENDS ARE ALL MARRIED,YOU KNOW?

THEY LIVE VICARIOUSLYTHROUGH ME,

WHICH IS A SHAME FOR THEM,YOU KNOW.

EVERY TIME I GO ON A DATE,THEY'LL CALL ME UP, YOU KNOW?

"DUDE, WHAT HAPPENEDLAST NIGHT?"

"UH, WE WENT OUT TO EAT."

"YEAH, WHATEVER, MAN.AFTER THAT. AFTER THAT."

"WELL, WE WENT BACKTO MY PLACE."

[ Slyly ] "YEAH.THEN WHAT?"

"WELL, WE STARTED MAKING OUT."

"YEAH! THEN WHAT?"

"WELL, THEN, UH, SHE WENT HOME."

"SHE WENT HOME?

"WHAT THE [BLEEP] DO YOU MEANSHE WENT HOME?

"SHE WENT HOME?I'M MARRIED, MAN.

"YOU THINK I WANT TO HEARABOUT SOME GIRL GOING --

"I LIVE WITH A WOMAN365 DAYS A YEAR!

I WANT HER TO GO HOME."

THEY GET SO MAD, YOU KNOW?

I'M JUST GONNA STARTMAKING STUFF UP

SO THEY FEEL BETTER, RIGHT?

"ALL RIGHT, MAN.SO, WE GET BACK TO MY PLACE."

"YEAH?"

"AND SHE WANTS TO GETIN THE SHOWER."

[ Slyly ] "YEAH."

"AND THAT'S WHEN I FOUND OUTSHE WAS A MERMAID."

"YEAH!

"THAT'S WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT, DOG!

"THAT'S MY BOY WARREN!THAT'S MY BOY WARREN!

GIVING IT TO THE MERMAID!GIVING IT TO THE MERMAID!"

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

"MERMAID!

WHAT HAPPENED IN THE SHOWER?"

"AH, SHE SWAM HOME."

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