Anthony Jeselnik - Visiting Home

Anthony Jeselnik: Caligula Season 1, Ep 1 01/13/2013 Views: 24,275

When Anthony Jeselnik returns to Pittsburgh to hang out with his mother, he is shocked by her attitude toward the lottery. (1:01)

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She just found outshe has to have

both of her breasts removed...

if she's ever gonna be goodat golf.

[ Laughter ]

Yeah.That cannot be easy to hear.

So I went home to visit -- I'mfrom Pittsburgh, originally --

and just hang out with my momfor a little bit, you know?

-[ Scattered applause ]-Yeah. Congrats.

[ Laughter ]

Wanted to go home and hang outwith her for a little bit,

you know, help her out,cheer her up.

But all my mom cares about nowis the lottery

and me running errands for her.

Like, every day.

Every day, it's,"Anthony, go play my numbers.

Go play my numbers, please.I don't want to miss out today."

Finally, after a week of this,I had to say to her,

"Mom, are you out ofyour goddamn mind?

Don't you knowyou've got a better chance

of getting struck by lightning

than me doing you a favor?"