of mine, and he's adopted.
He's always been really insecureabout it.
A lot of people that are adoptedare insecure
'cause they feel likethey weren't wanted.
But that's crap, you know,because a lot of people
are complete accidents.
They're only here becauseof alcohol and prom night
and possibly Oasis.
But if you were adopted,
you were definitely wanted,you know?
You never hear about two peoplewaking up
after a hard night of partyingand they go, "Oh, man,
what'd we do last night?"
"I don't know.
I think we adopted a baby."
I hate when people abbreviatethings that don't need
to be abbreviated.
Like, I'm in collegeand my friend told me
that his roommate was an "emo,"
which just meansyou're an emotional guy.
But I didn't know whatan emo was, so I just assumed
it was some kindof mental deficiency.
So when I met the kid,I was talking real slow,
which is like,"Oh, how are you?
"Do you like it here?Oh, that's great."
And finally, he's, like,"Why are you talking like that?
That is the most awkward thingI've ever said to anybody,
which is, "Oh, my God.I am so sorry.
I thought you were retarded."
And there are a bunch of sayingsthat annoy me,
'Cause it's always used forsomething positive, you know?
It's always, like, "Call meold-fashioned,
"but I don't thinkthat tomato soup should have
artificial preservatives in it."
It's never used for somethingnegative like,
"Call me old-fashioned,but women shouldn't vote."
I was terrible in high school.
I used to get Cliff Noteson tape.
I remember this one timein high school I was taking
and English classand the teacher was like,
"Boulger, give me an exampleof a rhetorical question."
And I was, like, "Why don't yougo (bleep) yourself?"
And she was, like, "You littlepunk, get out of here."
And I was, like,"You're not supposed to respond
to a rhetorical questions."