John Ridley - Smoking in Restaurants

Cotter, Royce, Ridley Season 2, Ep 0216 05/23/1993 Views: 2,786

Smoking while eating is for people with no time to barbeque. (2:44)

The only thing, there wasa guy sitting next to me

smoking all theway through dinner,

which to me is very annoying.

And I know some you ofyou might be smokers.

That's fine.

I can understand smoking.I don't like it.

I understand it.

But smoking while you're eating.

What is that?

You know the kind ofpeople I'm talking about,

take a bite of food,a drag on a cigarette?

What the hell is that for?

What is that, to giveyour food a nice hickory

smoked flavor whileit's going down?

[applause]

I think maybe it's forpeople who are just

too busy tobarbecue, that's all.

(GRUFF VOICE) Ah, justgive me some raw meat

and a pack of Camels.

I gotta go.

Come on.

My husband's waiting.

I gotta.

Come on.

I gotta go.

If you want to smoke,that's your thing.

But I'm a big non-smoker.

I really am.

I don't like being aroundsmokers when they're smoking.

Thank you.

[cheers]

I'm very adamant about it.

I really am.

I won't even kissa woman who smokes.

I refuse.

I-- well, I say that,but let's face it.

I am a man, and think we allknow as far as most men are

concerned, as long as there'sthat possibility of sex,

we'd pretty much kiss a girl whowas hunched over in the corner

shooting up battery acidwith a dirty needle.

But-- hey, don't get me wrong.

I'd use protection.

I'm not crazy.

You know.

Elbow pads, motorcyclehelmet, I don't care.

Sex is sex, butobey the helmet law.

That's my philosophy.

No, I don't smoke.I don't drink.

I don't do drugs.

And I like to stay clean.

I get into anargument all the time

with a friend ofmine about drugs.

Because nobody knows whatto do about drugs anymore.

My friend always says, youknow, if you legalize drugs,

people won't takethem anymore, which

I think is kind of astupid argument myself.

I think the only way peoplewould ever stop taking drugs is

if you make themlegal but to get them

you had to pick them up at theDepartment of Motor Vehicles.

[laughter]

[applause]

What do you mean gosit in the crack line?

I've been on thisline for two hours.

[laughter]

This sucks.

I'm going straight.

Forget about it.

So gays are upset,because they're

being banned from the military.

Maybe they're all upset aboutthat I don't quite understand

why they're bannedfrom the military,

they don't have to go to wars.

Isn't that a good thing?

I know if they still hadthat ban on black people

in the military, you wouldn'thear me complaining at all.

Quite frankly, I think thereshould be a ban on the military

on blacks, ongays, and on women.

Only whiteheterosexual men should

have to go to foreigncountries to get shot out.

What's the bad part?

[applause]

I'll take it a step further.

Only white heterosexualmen whose parents make over

$200,000 a year shouldbe allowed to-- That's

been a lot of fun.