Chad Daniels - English

  • Season 12 , Ep 18
  • 01/11/2008
  • Views: 11,353

English is still the best language for me. (1:55)

FOR ME PERSONALLY

'CAUSE ALL MY FRIENDS KNOW IT,RIGHT?

AND IT WAS THE FIRST LANGUAGE.DUH, THE BIBLE'S IN ENGLISH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT SAYS IT RIGHT THERE --"IN THE BEGINNING..."

HELLO.

I WAS CONFIRMED A LUTHERAN.

FOR CONFIRMATION, WE HAD TO PICKA VERSE OUT OF THE BIBLE,

READ IT, AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TOREFLECT RELIGION.

MINE WAS GENESIS 43:23 --"I AM YOUR LORD.

"DO NOT FEAR YOUR LORD,

FOR I HAVE GIVEN YOU TREASUREIN YOUR SACKS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

MY MOTHER ALMOST BEATTHE [BLEEP] OUT OF ME THAT DAY.

[ LAUGHTER, CHEERS, APPLAUSE ]

YEAH.

FUNNY FOR YOU GUYS, BUT SHE'SCHASING ME AROUND CHURCH GOING,

"PICK ANOTHER VERSE,YOU LITTLE SMARTASS!"

I'M IN THE CORNER GOING,"THOU SHALT NOT KILL."

MY PASTOR WAS SO MAD.

HE WAS LIKE, "HOW DOESTHAT VERSE REFLECT RELIGION?"

I WAS LIKE,"WELL, THE VERSE DOESN'T.

THE FACT THAT I TOOK IT OUTOF CONTEXT DOES."

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, PEOPLETAKE RELIGION OUT OF CONTEXT.

YOU EVER SEEN THE KKKON THE NEWS?

"SLAVERY SHOULD BE LEGAL 'CAUSEIT'S RIGHT HERE IN THE BIBLE!"

AND THAT'S CRAP'CAUSE THAT GUY CAN'T READ.

SURPRISED SOME OF THOSE GUYSHAVEN'T DIED

FROM FORGETTING TO BREATHE,YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

"WHAT HAPPENED TO EARL?"

"HE JUST TURNED BLUEAND HE FELL."

"WELL, BLUE --WE GOT TO HANG HIM.

HE AIN'T WHITE NO MORE.COME ON."

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

I SAW A GUY ON THE NEWSFROM THE KKK ONE TIME.

HE GOES,"I DON'T LIKE BLACK PEOPLE

'CAUSE THEY LIKE FRIED CHICKEN,WATERMELON, AND THEY'RE LAZY."

AND I WAS LIKE,"WHOA, I AM BLACK!"

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

"I LIKE FRIED CHICKEN,

"AND I LOVE WATERMELON,ESPECIALLY THE SEEDLESS KIND,

AND THAT BRINGS USRIGHT TO LAZY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

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