Sean Patton - HIV Pranks

Sean Patton Season 2, Ep 16 06/21/2013 Views: 14,713

Sean Patton believes that people who are HIV positive should be able to have some fun. (2:25)

Is anybody hereHIV positive?


Look... if you're laughing,don't feel bad

'cause you know what doesnothing for HIV?

Your sadness. Does nothing.

I mean, if you are HIV-positive,

I'm sorry that happened to you,but you know what?

I think you've now earnedthe right

to just bea perpetual prankster.

You should have a fake blooddispenser on you

at all times ready to go.

Ready to hose down dickheadsat bars

and, like, cops and...

"Oh, my AIDS blood!

"It got everywhere!

"It got in your mouth,

which is open perpetually,mouth-breather."

Or every major city hasa dozen or so places

you can get tested.Go to all of 'em.

Get the test done overand over again

because you know whatthe result's gonna be,

but they don't.

Now you can have fun.

They're, like, "Oh, we're sorry,you tested positive for HIV."

You can go, "(gasps) Yes!I did it! I did it!

"They said I couldn't do it,but I did it!

"Now I can rule the world!

"Thank you.


Or go absurd, you know?

They're, like, "You'reHIV-positive. We're sorry."

Go, (slow, dull voice): "(gasps)Thank you very much.

"Is there medicationI should be tak...?

(gasps)"I have a phone call.


(laughter continues)

It's in my other pocket."

Or go hyper absurd.

Pick your favorite Ice Cubemovie. We all got one.

Find your favorite lineof dialogue, just repeat it.

They're, like, "Uh, sorry, sir,you're HIV-positive."

Like, "What?! Man, he knowwhere your mama stay!

"He know where my mama stay!

"He know where your mama stay!

"He know where my mama stay!

"He know whereyour mama stay!

"He know where my mama stay!He know where your mama stay!

He know where my mama stay!He know..."

What are they gonna do,kick you out?

They can't kick you out.

They have to be sympatheticto how you react.

Maybe you reactby quoting Friday.