Rich Vos - Christmas Decorations

  • Season 12, Ep 12
  • 02/14/2008
  • Views: 6,484

Christmas decorations just prove you're not Jewish. (2:12)

LOOK AT THIS HORRIBLEHAIRCUT I GOT FOR THIS.

I LOOK LIKE A ROMAN NICKEL,DON'T I?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I FEEL LIKE CAESAR.NOW WHEN I GO [BLEEP]ON MY WIFE I GO,

"I BRING YOU NEWSFROM THE NORTH.

WE WILL ATTACK AT NOON."

I AM SO GLAD THATWE'RE DOING THIS IN NEW YORK.

I JUST LOVE WORKINGNEW YORK CITY.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

AND I'M NOT JUST SAYIN' THAT'CAUSE I'M A PANDERING JACKASS.

I WAS WORKINGNEW YEAR'S EVE AT A CLUBIN TIMES SQUARE.

THERE WAS A HALF A MILLIONPEOPLE IN TIMES SQUARE,

IN THE COLD,FOR 10 TO 15 HOURS TO DO THIS.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, THAT WAS FUN.WHAT DO YA WANNA DO NOW, HUH?

YOU KNOW SOME JACKASSFLEW IN FROM THE WEST COAST.

HE'S OUT THERE ALL DAY.HE'S LIKE, "HEY.

"AH, GEE.

- JESUS." RIGHT?- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THATONE JACKASS ON NEW YEARS.

THIS IS GONNA BE MY YEAR.IT'S GONNA BE MY YEAR.

TWELVE O'CLOCK, IT'S ALL GONNATURN AROUND, HUH?

WHAT ABOUT THE LAST 10 YEARS,HOW ABOUT THOSE YEARS,

THROW YOURSELF OFF A ROOFTHEN IT'LL BEYOUR FAMILY'S YEAR, OKAY?

OH-- OH, IT'S GONNA GETA LOT WORSE FOLKS, OKAY?

[LAUGHTER AND CHEERS]

ALL NEW YEARS IS TO ME

IS TO TAKE YOUR DUMBCHRISTMAS DECORATIONS DOWN.

TAKE 'EM DOWN.THEY'VE BEEN UP TOO LONG.

PEOPLE THAT PUT UPCHRISTMAS DECORATIONS,ALL THEY'RE SAYING IS,

"HEY, WE'RE NOT JEWS.ALL RIGHT."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THE GUY DOWN THE BLOCKWITHOUT THE LIGHTS,JEW, NOT US, ALL RIGHT.

I'M A JEW. I KNOW. ALL RIGHT.

AND YOUR DUMB BLOW-UP SNOWMEN,PLEASE. I STABBED EIGHT OF 'EM

- THIS YEAR, OKAY.- [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THERE'S A NEW JEW IN TOWN.

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