Todd Lynn - Going Out to Dinner

  • Season 9 , Ep 14
  • 05/12/2005
  • Views: 0

When going out to dinner, men care about eating -- that's it. (2:58)

NOT A GOOD-LOOKING GUY.

I'M LIKE A REGULAR GUY.

YOU KNOW COUNT IT, I DON'T LOOK

TOO GOOD, BUT I DON'T LOOK

TOO BAD.

YOU KNOW I'M LIKE RIGHT UP THE

MIDDLE.

I'M REGULAR.

YOU KNOW.

I COULDN'T DATE ANYBODY LIKE

YOU, 'CAUSE YOU'RE GORGEOUS.

YOU LOOK TOO GOOD FOR ME.

I COULDN'T TAKE YOU OUT.

I TAKE YOU OUT, PEOPLE DON'T

EVEN BELIEVE I'M WITH YOU.

GUYS START WALKING UP, TALK TO

YOU LIKE I AIN'T EVEN STANDING

THERE.

THEY'RE LIKE, "HEY, WHAT'S

HAPPENING?

THAT YOUR LADY?"

"YEAH."

"OKAY-- WELL, WHAT'S UP WITH

HER?"

"WHAT?"

[LAUGHTER]

I'M TELLING YOU.

AND I LIVE IN NEW YORK.

GUYS ARE SO RUDE IN NEW YORK

I'M LETTING YOU KNOW.

YOU COULD GO OUT WITH YOUR

GIRLFRIEND INTO THE CLUB,

YOU HOLDING HER HAND.

ANOTHER DUDE WILL WALK UP

AND HOLD HER OTHER HAND.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND YOU LOOKING AT HER LIKE,

"LET GO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU GONNA GET ME IN A FIGHT."

I'M TELLING YOU JUST

RELATIONSHIPS AS A WHOLE

BECOME SO DIFFICULT BECAUSE

IT'S LIKE YOUR--

MY LAST GIRLFRIEND, WE BROKE UP

BECAUSE WE COULDN'T EVEN GO TO

DINNER TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW WHY WE COULDN'T GO TO

DINNER?

BECAUSE WOMEN, Y'ALL DON'T

UNDERSTAND WHAT DINNER IS.

DINNER TO MEN IS DINNER.

OKAY?

THAT MEANS WE WANT TO EAT.

WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE

AMBIANCE.

WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE BUBBLES

GOING THROUGH THE WATER TANK.

WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YABLOW

PLAYING HIS LEBANESE WATER FLUTE

IN THE BACKGROUND.

WE DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

ALL WE WANT TO DO IS EAT.

WE JUST WANT TO EAT.

Y'ALL COULD MAKE IT SO SIMPLE

IF YOU JUST ORDERED FROM THE

MENU.

YOU NEVER ORDER FROM THE MENU.

LET ME EXPLAIN.

THE MENU NORMALLY CONSISTS OF

ONE THROUGH TEN.

PICK A NUMBER.

IT'S JUST THAT EASY.

MEN PICK A NUMBER.

WHEN WE GO IN WE BE LIKE,

"I WANT THE NUMBER TWO WITH

THE MEAT.

YOU KNOW THE MEAT.

YEAH, THE NUMBER TWO."

WOMEN DON'T DO THAT.

THEY ALWAYS CHANGE EVERYTHING.

THEY'RE TURNING IT INTO A WHOLE

ALA CARTE THING.

"COULD YOU CHANGE THE RICE FOR

GREEN SALAD?

AND MAYBE, YOU KNOW, REPLACE

THE BEANS WITH, YOU KNOW,

DA, DA, DA, AND COULD YOU KNOW,

TAKE THE BREAST-- WHAT IS IT--

THE BEEF AND REPLACE IT WITH

CHICKEN?"

AND I'M THINKING THAT'S A

NUMBER SIX.

JUST ORDER A NUMBER SIX,

YOU JACKASS, ORDER A NUMBER SIX.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND WOMEN DON'T THINK ANYTHING

IS WRONG WITH THIS.

THEY LIKE, "IT'S ALL RIGHT."

I'M LIKE, "NO, YOU ARE PISSING

THE WAITRESS OFF."

SHE'S LIKE, "UNH-UH, THIS IS

HER JOB, THE CUSTOMER'S ALWAYS

RIGHT."

"NO, YOU NOT.

'CAUSE RIGHT NOW SHE'S IN THE

BACK WIPING HER ASS WITH MY

CHICKEN BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW

HOW TO ORDER A NUMBER SIX."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M TELLING YOU.

BOY, Y'ALL ARE SO BAD WITH THIS.

Y'ALL ARE SO BAD WITH THIS,

I HONESTY START SEEING WHY MEN

START DATING MEN.

I CAN REALLY SEE IT NOW.

THEY DO.

'CAUSE THEY FIGURE, "HEY,

YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GONNA GO OUT

WITH SOMEBODY I GOT SOMETHING

IN COMMON WITH, YOU KNOW THAT."

NO IT'S REAL EASY.

BE LIKE, "I'M HUNGRY."

"ME, TOO."

"YEAH."

"I WANT TO SEE THE GAME."

"SO DO I."

"I WANT TO [BLEEP]."

"NA, NA, ME."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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