That's a long flight--That flight was so long
I got the girl nextto me pregnant.
We raised thechild on the plane.
Time for us toland in Sydney
and get him arugby scholarship.
I feel like I came offpompous in that country.
I did not mean to.
I was trying to order food,just get the most out of
their culture, butI came off pompous.
I was like, "I would like yourVegemite sandwich, please.
'Cause I learnall my Australian
from men at work songs--"Vegemite sandwich, please.
"I would like it on aboomerang plate,
"and I would like it broughtto me by a kangaroo
"that looks likeOlivia Newton-John.
"Could you makethat happen?"
He's like,"Sir, we can't do that."
I'm like, "do yourealize, I'm American?
"These colors don't run--America."
Finally, I was like,"Dude, forget you.
"I would like to speak toyour king, right now.
"Let me speak to your kingor the superhero
"that runs thisprison colony."
They don't havea king or a superhero.
Did you guys know that?
You know what theydo have, though?
They like to throw thatright in your face.
[applause]They have healthcare.
We don't have itover here, man.
It's not in ourConstitution.
We have life, liberty, andthe pursuit of happiness.
And if, while you'repursuing happiness,
you blow out your knee, that'syour problem in America.
But if you're fromanother country,
do not get hurt over here.
We do not have healthcarethe way that you have it.
You can walk intoa hospital on fire.
They will not helpyou in America.
They'll be like,"I'm sorry, you're on fire.
"That's a preexistingcondition.
"We can't doanything for you."