WHEN I MOVED OUT TO L.A.THEY TOLD ME I HAD TO WORK OUT.
AND I WAS LIKE,"I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT,"
AND THEY GAVE ME THIS TRAINER,AND THE DUDE WAS LIKE,
"YEAH, YOU GOTTA WORK OUT,YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR TRI'S
"AND BI'S AND ALL THAT.
"THE MOST IMPORTANT THING--YOU CAN'T EAT LATE AT NIGHT
OR YOU'LL GET FAT."
AND I'M LIKE, "FORGET THAT.
YOU SUPPOSEDTO EAT LATE AT NIGHT."
HE WAS LIKE,"NO, YOU NOT."
I'M LIKE, "BUT WHY DID THEY PUTA LIGHT IN THE REFRIGERATOR?"
(laughter)
TOO SMART FOR THEM CHUMPS.
AND THERE'S A LOTOF WOMEN OUT IN L.A., MAN,
THEY GOT PHONY BREASTS.
I MEAN, THAT'S COOL BUT,YOU KNOW,
I AIN'T THAT KIND OF GUY.
IF I'M MAKING LOVE TO A WOMAN,SHE'S GOT PHONY BREASTS,
AND THEY SITTING THERELIKE TWO STIFF-ASS ROCKS,
I DON'T LIKE THAT.
I LIKE THAT PLANE-PROPELLEREFFECT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING,FELLAS?
YOU KNOW, YOU GOING OFF,
AND THEY'RE SWINGINGAROUND LIKE THAT.
TRYING TO HIT HERIN THE HEAD WITH 'EM.
(laughter)
I LIKE TO DO IT REAL FASTBY THE WINDOW
SO I COULD SAVE MY GAS MONEY,SHE FLY HOME.
(laughter)
"CALL ME."OKAY, COOL.
ANOTHER THING BEING IN L.A.,IT'S A LOT OF PORN STARS
OUT THERE TOO,YOU KNOW, IT IS.
AND THEY COME TO MY SHOWSA LOT.
THERE'S THIS ONE PORN STAR,
HE GO BY THE NAMEOF WESLEY PIPES.
(laughter)
HE BE WRECKING WOMEN, TOO, MAN.HE BE GOING OFF.
BUT IT BE SO FUNNY 'CAUSE WHENHE HAS SEX WITH THEM,
HE BE TALKING CASH (bleep).
BUT THE STUFF HE'D BE SAYINGBE SO FUNNY
YOU CAN'T EVEN JACK OFF RIGHT
'CAUSE YOU BE TOO BUSY LAUGHINGAT WHAT HE BE SAYING.
LIKE, HE WAS HITTINGTHIS ONE GIRL ONE TIME,
HE WAS LIKE, "YEAH, YOU LIKEALL THAT THANG, IN THERE?
"HUH?TAKE ALL THAT THANG IN THERE.
"I KNOW YOU LIKE ALL THATTHANG IN THERE, DON'T YOU?
"TAKE ALL THAT THANGIN THERE.
"MAKE THAT THANG DISAPPEAR.
"OH, WHAT YOU DOINGWITH MY THANG GIRL?
WHERE MY THANG AT?"
I'M AT HOME, LIKE,"WHO TALKS LIKE THIS?
I AIN'T NEVERSAYING NOTHING LIKE THAT.
I KINDA LIKE THAT,THOUGH.
I THINK I'M GONNA STARTTALKING LIKE THAT."
I RAN INTO HIMON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS HIM.I JUST BUMPED INTO HIM.
I WAS LIKE, "EXCUSE ME,"AND I LOOKED,
AND I WAS LIKE,"(gasps) WESLEY PIPES?"
WHAT WAS WEIRD WASHE KNEW ME.
HE WAS LIKE, "DUDE,YOU A COMEDIAN, AIN'T YOU?"
HE WAS LIKE, "YOU FUNNY AS HELL.I GOT YOU ON TAPE."
I WAS LIKE,"I GOT YOU ON TAPE, TOO."
(laughter and applause)
SHOOK HIS HAND.HIS HAND WAS WET AS HELL.
I WAS LIKE, "I HOPEHE AIN'T JUST GET OFF WORK."
USUALLY A COMEDIAN LEAVE ONA REAL BIG JOKE AT THE END
WHERE THEY GO, "HUH-HUH-HUH.HAH! GOOD NIGHT!"
AND EVERYBODY BE LIKE,"HAAA!"
I'M JUST GONNA GO.
(laughter)
(cheers and applause)