Uncensored - New Year's Roastolutions

Week of 1/7/2013 - Lampanelli, Jeselnik, Lee Season 2, Ep 1 01/08/2013 Views: 5,995

Jeff hops on his Roaster Coaster to suggest New Year's resolutions to the citizens of Los Angeles. (1:54)

THEY CAN STING TO.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION.

HOW ARE YOU DOING.

>> I AM FINE.

>> WHAT WAS YOUR NEW YEAR'S

REDS LUSION.

>> SAME AS LAST YEAR.

TO LOSE WEIGHT.

>> YOU LOOK FABULOUS.

YOU LOOK LIKE A CHOCOLATE M&M.

CAN I GIVE YOU'S RESOLUTION.

STOP DRESSING LIKE A RAPPER.

HAVE YOU STUCK TO YOUR NEW

YEAR'S RESOLUTION.

>> MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION IS

TO BE GRATEFUL.

>> CAN I GIVE YOU A NEW YEAR'S

RESOLUTION.

TELL YOUR PLASTIC SURGEON TO

SEE AN EYE DOCTOR.

>> I AM A NATURAL BEAUTY.

>> THINK ABOUT ME WHEN YOU ARE

HAVING A THREE-WAY TONIGHT.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION TO BE TO

STAY IN SCHOOL.

>> WE ARE NOT IN SCHOOL.

>> THEN DON'T TALK TO

STRANGERS.

>> OH, MY GOD, DOES THAT HURT?

WHAT IS YOUR NEW YEAR'S

RESOLUTION.

SMOKING SOUNDS LE NUMBER 8.

HERE'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

AND SPEND MORE TIME WITH FAMILY

AND MOVE CLOSER TO THE PRISON.

>> OH, I GOT THAT.

>> AND I THINK YOUR RIDE IS

HERE.

HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING YOUR NEW

YEAR'S RESOLUTION?

>> YES.

>> WHAT IS IT?

>> THE PARADE --

>> THE WHAT?

>> YOU HAVE ANY NEW YEAR'S

RESOLUTION AND LIKE THINGS

ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU WANT TO

MAKE BETTER?

>> YES, I WANT TO FEEL MUCH

MORE BETTER.

>> AND I WILL GIVE YOU A NEW

YEAR'S RESOLUTION.

>> OKAY.

>> ENGLISH LESSONS.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

[APPLAUSE]