Big Jay Oakerson - "West Side Story"

Sanders, Trenholm, Landry, Oakerson Season 8, Ep 0808 01/14/2005 Views: 13,837

Big Jay Oakerson learned how to fight by watching "Grease" and "West Side Story." (2:47)

MY GRANDMA SENT ME TO KARATE

CLASS, THE JEWISH COMMUNITY

CENTER 'CAUSE IT WAS FREE WITH

SENSEI MASTER RABBI RABINOWITZ.

THAT GUY WAS--

[LAUGHTER]

A HEBREW NIGHTMARE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

TWO YEARS OF KARATE.

TWO HARD YEARS.

WHEN I GRADUATED, I WAS A

CLEAR BELT.

THEY ACTUALLY TOOK THE COLOR

OUT OF MY BELT.

THAT'S HOW BAD I WAS.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY HAD A LITTLE SYRINGE.

I'M LIKE, "I GET IT, I GET IT.

I'M NO GOOD".

I'M TOO BIG, MAN.

KARATE'S A SLIM GUY'S ACTIVITY.

YOU GOTTA BE SOME OF THEM LONG,

SNAPPY LIMBS.

I'M TOO BIG MAN, LOOK AT THIS.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S JUST NATURE.

THAT'S A HIGH KICK.

THAT'S MY HIGH KICK.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

THAT'S MY TRYING TO KICK YOUR

FACE.

IT AIN'T GONNA MAKE IT.

PUT AN APPLE ON YOUR HEAD.

I'LL KICK YOU IN THE BALLS AND

HOPE IT FALLS OFF.

"AH, OH."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I HAD TO TRY TO TEACH MYSELF

HOW TO FIGHT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER

BY WATCHING MOVIES.

I WAS RAISED BY WOMEN FOR A

LONG TIME.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE--

I WENT TO A REAL MIXED SCHOOL

GROWING UP, MAN.

WE HAD LIKE BLACK PEOPLE AND

WHITE PERSON.

AND THAT WAS ARIGHT, 'CAUSE,

YOU KNOW, I WAS THE WHITE

PERSON.

[LAUGHTER]

I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO FIGHT,

GUY'S.

I'M LIKE, "GRAM, I'M GONNA WATCH

SOME MOVIES.

WATCH MOVIES DO WE HAVE WITH

SOME GANGS AND SOME VIOLENCE

AND SOME--"

SHE GOES, "GANGS?

HERE.

WE HAVE GREASE AND

WEST SIDE STORY."

SO I STUDIED THE MOVES.

I'M LIKE-- ARIGHT, GOT IT.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I WENT TO SCHOOL REAL COCKY,

JUST, YOU KNOW,

STARTING UP TROUBLE.

I'M SLAPPING PEOPLE AND

PUSHING 'EM.

ONE KID'S LIKE, "JAY, ENOUGH

OF THAT.

PARKING LOT, 3:30."

I WAS LIKE, "I'LL BE THERE,

I'LL BE THERE."

YOU KNOW.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I'M LIKE, "3:30 IT IS.

SEE YOU THEN."

[APPLAUSE]

SO, 3:30 COMES.

I'M WALKING TO THIS FIGHT

NERVOUS, RIGHT?

BUT I GOTTA SHOW UP.

I HAD MY BACKGROUND DANCERS

WITH ME, SO I'M NOT THAT

NERVOUS.

[LAUGHTER]

AND WE'RE SASHAYING THIS FIGHT.

WE GET TO THE FIGHT.

EVERYONE FROM SCHOOL WAS THERE.

THEY'RE IN A BIG CIRCLE.

THEY'RE GOING, "FIGHT, FIGHT,

FIGHT."

AND I'M LOOKING AROUND.

AND THE KID HIT ME IN THE FACE

FIRST-- WHICH IS NOT IN THE

MOVIE, BY THE WAY.

SO, I'M CONFUSED.

[LAUGHTER]

HE'S LIKE, "WHAT DO YOU SAY NOW,

BITCH?"

I'M LIKE "I'M A CRAZY

MOTHER [BLEEP].

YOU DON'T WANNA MESS WITH ME."

[LAUGHTER]

AND THE BACKGROUND DANCERS

JUMPED OUT,

♪ CRAZY MOTHER [BLEEP]

♪ DON'T WANNA MESS WITH ME

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]