if you have a chance,
never look at your credit cardstatement.
Don't ever do it.
It is a mirror
up to everything horrificabout you
that you don't wantto know.
It is. It just is.
Uh, I had credit card fraudone time.
A woman bought $5,000in African jewelry
on my credit card.
And while that seems like
an impulsive purchaseI would have made, I didn't.
So I have to callthe credit card company.
And, you know, I guessthe process when you have fraud
is that they read youyour purchases,
and then you tell themwhether or not you made them.
Until I had this conversationwith this complete stranger,
I was very muchon the fence
as to whether or notI was an alcoholic.
This woman on the phonestarts reading my purchases.
It's all bars.All bars.
Like, there was no sustenance,no food, no clothing,
Just bar-- She's like,"All right,
at 7:52 p.m. did you spend$87 at the Ye Rustic Bar?"
I said, "I did.Yeah, I did. Yeah, yeah."
She's like, "All right,at 9:15 p.m.,
did you spend $132at, uh, the Drawing Room Bar?"
I said, "Yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah."
She's like, "All right,at 12:15 a.m.,
did you spend, uh,$38 at Jones' Bar on Third?"
I said, "I did, yeah."
She's like, "That's pretty far.Did you drive?"
"Yeah, you nosy whore.I drove."
She's like, "All right,the next day at, uh, 1:15 p.m.,
did you have an abortion?"
"No, I donate money.It's a donation.
I'm a good person."