a rough life, all right?
It's hard to look
like a virginbut also look like you just
buried your wifeat the same time.
I call that multitasking.
Like, half of me is like,
"Where are theregonna be g-g-g-g-g-girls?"
And the other half is like,"I miss you, Elizabeth.
"I will bury youin the angry sea
from whence you came."
And I know I've liveda rough life,
because a couple weeks ago,
I got in a fightwith a homeless guy
who thought I wasanother homeless guy.
And luckilythey pulled him away from me,
'cause I would have died,'cause pretty much
every time he hit me,
I just looked more homeless.
And I would bethe worst homeless guy.
I'd be the guyon the street who's like,
(slurring):"Ladies and gentlemens,
"can someoneplease give me $24.95
"so I can purchasethe Criterion edition
"of The Royal Tenenbaums?
I'll suck your (bleep)for Blu-ray."
It's better picture quality,it's worth it.
Uh...
I, uh, I docomedy clubs sometimes
and they do comment cards there.
And one time, someone wroteon a comment card,
"My favorite comedianof the night
was the Ginger Beard Man."
Which I was okay with,
'cause it's the firstnickname I've been given
that doesn't rhymewith "uckface."
But the thing is,Ginger Beard Man
just sounds likea horrible fairy tale
that hipsters pass onto their children.
"Run, minorities,
"as fast as you can.
"I'll gentrify you,
I'm the Ginger Beard Man."
"I'm all organicand also ve-gan,
I haven't been happysince Pinkerton."
I think I just tooksomeone's night back.
That's good.
I, uh, I'm from Florida.