So let's-- let's be reallyhonest here.

You can tell thatI've lived

a rough life, all right?

It's hard to look

like a virginbut also look like you just

buried your wifeat the same time.

I call that multitasking.

Like, half of me is like,

"Where are theregonna be g-g-g-g-g-girls?"

And the other half is like,"I miss you, Elizabeth.

"I will bury youin the angry sea

from whence you came."

And I know I've liveda rough life,

because a couple weeks ago,

I got in a fightwith a homeless guy

who thought I wasanother homeless guy.

And luckilythey pulled him away from me,

'cause I would have died,'cause pretty much

every time he hit me,

I just looked more homeless.

And I would bethe worst homeless guy.

I'd be the guyon the street who's like,

(slurring):"Ladies and gentlemens,

"can someoneplease give me $24.95

"so I can purchasethe Criterion edition

"of The Royal Tenenbaums?

I'll suck your (bleep)for Blu-ray."

It's better picture quality,it's worth it.

Uh...

I, uh, I docomedy clubs sometimes

and they do comment cards there.

And one time, someone wroteon a comment card,

"My favorite comedianof the night

was the Ginger Beard Man."

Which I was okay with,

'cause it's the firstnickname I've been given

that doesn't rhymewith "uckface."

But the thing is,Ginger Beard Man

just sounds likea horrible fairy tale

that hipsters pass onto their children.

"Run, minorities,

"as fast as you can.

"I'll gentrify you,

I'm the Ginger Beard Man."

"I'm all organicand also ve-gan,

I haven't been happysince Pinkerton."

I think I just tooksomeone's night back.

That's good.