Donald Glover - Rude Midget

  • Season 14 , Ep 9
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 113,265

Donald Glover knows that you won't look like a hero if you're fighting a midget. (1:49)

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ CHUCKLES ]I MISS THIS PLACE.

THIS IS AWESOME.

I GOT TO BE HONEST --THE FIRST --

I GOT BACK ON THURSDAY, RIGHT?

I GOT BACK ON THURSDAY,AND THE FIRST THING I DID --

I GOT ON THE SUBWAY, RIGHT?

AND I GOT ON THE SUBWAY,

AND THIS LITTLE PERSONCAME ON THE TRAIN.

ARE THERE ANY LITTLE PEOPLEIN THE AUDIENCE?

GOOD.I'M GONNA SAY "MIDGET."

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO, THIS MIDGET --YOU'LL SEE WHY --

THIS MIDGET CAME ON THE TRAIN,

AND HE PUSHED MY LEGAND HE HIT ME LIKE THAT.

AND I WAS LIKE --HE WAS A RUDE, RUDE MIDGET.

AND, LIKE, PUSHED ME,AND, LIKE, I LOOKED DOWN AT HIM.

I WAS LIKE -- YOU KNOW,I'M NOT CONFRONTATIONAL,

BUT I WAS LIKE, "EXCUSE YOU."

AND HE LOOKED UP AT ME.

HE'S LIKE, "YOU GOT A PROBLEM?"

NOW, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING'CAUSE, LIKE, YOU KNOW,

YOU NOT GONNA LOOK LIKE THE HEROFIGHTING A MIDGET.

PEOPLE AREN'T -- "OH, I'M GLADYOU KICKED THAT MIDGET'S ASS.

YOU TOOK THAT MIDGET DOWN A PEG.I'M GLAD YOU DID THAT."

NOBODY'S GONNA SAY THAT.

SO, LIKE, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING,BUT THE WHOLE TIME IN MY HEAD,

THE WHOLE TIME,I'M THINKING LIKE,

"HOW DO I GET THIS MIDGETTO CALL ME A [BLEEP]

SO I CAN CALL HIM A MIDGET?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE WHEN YOU GET CALLEDTHE "N" WORD AS A BLACK PERSON,

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.

IT'S LIKE GETTING A GOLD STARON "SUPER MARIO BROS." AND JUNK.

I HEAR THE MUSIC.

WHEN I HEAR THE "N" WORD,I'M LIKE, "DO-DO-DO," YOU KNOW,

LIKE, I GET RIGHT INTO IT.

I GET REALLY INTO IT, YOU KNOW?

AND YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.

LIKE, YOU CAN BEIN A FANCY RESTAURANT

AND JUST START THROWING POOPAT THE WALLS.

AND PEOPLE BE LIKE,"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"SOMEBODY CALLED METHE 'N' WORD."

"OH, YES, OBAMA, OBAMA, YES."

[ LAUGHTER ]

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