Uncensored - Whitney Cummings - Marriage & Sex

Whitney Cummings: I Love You Season 1, Ep 101 06/28/2014 Views: 42,039

Whitney Cummings believes that marriage is an offer that most women simply cannot refuse. (2:07)

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Love makes you think aboutdoing things you never thought

you'd do before, you know?Like, getting married.

I thoughtI was gonna get married.

For me, I never thoughtI was gonna get married

'cause I have all this divorcein my family, you know?

I also think when you getolder as a woman,

marriage just becomesa little more appealing,

'cause marriageis set up for girls

as an offer that youjust cannot refuse.

If someone came up to meon the street randomly,

and marriage as aninstitution, did not exist,

and someone was just like,"Excuse me ma'am.

Hi, um, would you be interestedin a beautiful diamond ring?

And a bunch of partieswhere your friends will buy you

whatever the( bleep ) you want?

And then you get to moveinto somebody else's house

and get on their healthinsurance plan.

And thenif they cheat on you,

you get half their shit,no questions asked...

would you beinterested in that?"

Yeah, man, yeah, yeah.

How do I getall that shit?

Well, you just have tohave sex with the same man

for the rest of your life.

Ohhh.

You know what? ( Bleep ) it.I have Tylenol PM.

Let's do this shit.Where do I sign up?

( GIGGLES )

It's not that we love you.

We just wantshit, okay?

It's the same thing with sex.

Like, we don't alwayshave sex with you guys

because we likewant that ( bleep ).

No!

No!

Okay? Half the timeI have sex with a guy,

it's becauseit burns calories.

( APPLAUSE )

I'm like oh, God.I had that lasagna today...

I don't have time to goto the gym, so...

I should probablyjust ( bleep ) this guy.

( SIGHS )

But I really go for it,you know.

I wear a terrycloth headbandand ankle weights.

I get in there...