Santa University

Wednesday, December 14, 2016 12/14/2016 Views: 240

Aparna Nancherla, Nick Thune and Milana Vayntrub guess the names of lectures that might be given at a school for Santas-in-training. (2:09)

Well, it's mid-December now,and professional Santas

all over the countryare working overtime.

Seems like a pretty sweet gig,right?

I mean, you get peed onin a mall,

you get to dress uplike albino Zach Galifianakis,

you get exposed to hundreds ofstrains of communicable poxes.

But it's not all fun and games,you guys.

Being a Santa takes literallydays of preparation

as we learnedfrom this CNN Money story

about Santa University.

WOMAN: Santa University--

a four-day training camp in Colorado

where professional Santas come to hone their craft.


Uh, not actually surewhere the footage came from.

That could be Santa University,could be Galdalf Tech.

-I'm not 100% sure.-(laughter)

This might even beGod's fire department.

We don't knowwhat's happening there.

Might even be the Hell's Angelsretirement home.

We may never know.

The four-day intensiveSanta University

is just like Trump University,

except when they talkabout "slipping a roofie"

-that means someone falls offa house. -(laughter)

Actually, I can beat that.I think I can beat that.

Santa University is a lotlike Trump University,

except that Santa Universityis for Santas,

whereas Trump Universityis for idiots.

-(laughter)-No. Wait. I'm sorry.

That was very harsh. No, you'reright. The "ooh" was correct.

That was a little harsh. Let mestart that joke over, okay?

Santa University is a lot likeTrump University,

except that the students atSanta University looked homeless

-before they signed up.-Wow! -(laughter)

Mm. That's not bad.I'm gonna... You know what?

-(applause)-No. I appreciate that.

Appreciate that, but

it's the holidays,I'm feeling greedy.

I'm gonna takeanother crack at it.

Santa University is a lotlike Trump University,

except that at least you can usethe (bleep) you learn

at Santa University one day of the year.

(laughter and groaning)

What I'm trying to say is,Santa University is basically

the opposite of Trump Universityin that with Santa University,

the guy they named it afteris fake,

-but the university is real.-(laughter)

So, comedians, assumingthis is Santa University,

what's the name of the lecturebeing given during this shot?


"How to stay soberfor one month a year."

-HARDWICK: All right. Points.-(laughter)

And by the way,I think that month is February.

-It's not...-(laughter)

Uh, Milana.

"The advanced physics

of skipping overJewish households."

-HARDWICK: All right. Points.-(laughter)

Points. Aparna.

"So you both ended upin the same kid's house."

-HARDWICK: Yes, points.Very good. -(laughter)