I GREW UP INPORTLAND, OREGON,
AND, UH, IT'S A GREAT--NOTHING.
THAT WAS AWESOME.
THAT WAS PERFECT.THAT WAS PERFECT.
"NO!"
(laughter)
LIKE IT'S A GREAT--IT'S A GREAT TOWN
AND PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LIKE,"OH, IT'S SO COOL THERE."
'CAUSE EVERYONE WANTSTO MOVE THERE NOW.
BUT GROWING UP,IT WASN'T THAT COOL.
IT'S JUST A WEIRD PLACEFULL OF, LIKE, BURNOUT HIPPIES
AND MURDEROUS LUMBERJACKSAND THEIR KIDS, YOU KNOW?
IT'S JUST A WEIRD PLACE.
BUT, LIKE, YOU EVER GROW UPWITH THAT ONE FRIEND
THAT'S, LIKE, TOO FUNNY,TOO YOUNG,
YOU KNOW, LIKE,HE MAKES YOU LAUGH SO HARD
WHEN YOU'RE 11, IT'S LIKE--YOU FELT LIKE YOU--
YOUR HEART'S GOING SO NUTS,
IT'S LIKE YOU DID BLOWAS A CHILD,
LIKE, "STOP IT,MY HEART'S GOING NUTS.
"STOP TALKING.HOW ARE YOU THIS FUNNY?
HOW ARE YOU ALSO 11, STEVE?SHUT UP," YOU KNOW?
BUT MY FRIEND HADTHIS AMAZING SCHEME, RIGHT?
HE HAD, LIKE--HE GOT SIX OF US
AND HE GOT SIX COPIESOF THE WHITE PAGES
AND BROKE IT INTO SIX SECTIONS,RIGHT, AND WAS LIKE,
"ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA GOTHROUGH THESE PHONEBOOKS
"AND WE'RE GONNA FIND THE TWOFUNNIEST NAMES IN PORTLAND
AND PRANK THE... OUT OF 'EM,RIGHT?"
AND I WAS LIKE, "THAT'S INSANE.YOU'RE ALSO IN THE 6th GRADE?
HOW'D YOU COME UP WITH THIS?"
(laughter)
AND WE WENT THROUGHAND WE FOUND THESE TWO NAMES.
NOW THE FIRST NAME, OBVIOUSLY,NOT THIS PERSON'S GIVEN NAME,
'CAUSE NOBODY NAMED THEIR KIDSSKELETOR P. FUNK, OKAY?
THAT'S, UH--
THAT'S TOO--THAT'S TOO AMAZING.(laughter)
BUT WE FLIPPED OUT.WE'RE LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."
WE CALLED HIM.WE'RE LIKE, "IS HE-MAN A QUEER?
HOW'S CASTLE GRAYSKULL?"YOU KNOW?(laughter)
AND HE WAS UNPRANKABLE
BECAUSE WHEN HE ANSWERED THEPHONE, HE WOULDN'T SAY HELLO.
HE'D JUST PLAY HIS BASSINTO THE PHONE.
(laughter)
(imitates bass line)
WE'RE LIKE,"YOU WIN AGAIN, SKELETOR.
(laughter)
BUT I'LL BE BACK."
BUT THE FUNNIEST NAME--THE FUNNIEST NAME WE FOUND,
UM-- I'LL JUST SAY THIS.
I-I'VE HAD SOME HARD TIMESIN MY LIFE,
JUST LIKE ALL OF US,JUST LIKE ALL OF YOU,
I'VE LOST SOME FRIENDS, HAVE HADSOME RELATIONSHIPS GO SOUR.
BUT ANYTIMESTUFF GETS REALLY BAD,
I STILL THINK OF THIS NAME,AND I AT LEAST SMILE,
IF NOT LAUGH OUT LOUD,
BECAUSE IT'S STILL THE FUNNIESTNAME I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.
AND I KNOW I'M BUILDING THIS UP,BUT STRAP IN, OKAY?
AND GET READY 'CAUSE THAT DAYWE FOUND THERE WAS SOMEONE ALIVE
IN PORTLAND, OREGON,NAMED EGGLY BAGELFACE.
(laughter)
COME ON. COME ON.
EGGLY BAGELFACE?
EGGLY BAGELFACE!
IT'S A BREAKFAST NAMEOF AMAZING AWESOMENESS.
(laughter)
(chuckles)
THE KID THAT FOUND THE NAMEPASSED OUT.
(laughter)