WAS VERY SIMILARTO LOSING MY VIRGINITY.

IT WAS AWKWARD, UNCOMFORTABLE,BUT I DID GET A LOT OF LAUGHS.

JUST NOT WHEN I WASDOING COMEDY.

[LAUGHTER]

WHEN I WAS AFRESHMAN IN COLLEGE,I WAS PART OF A

SKETCH ENSEMBLECALLED "THE NEW GROUP",WHICH LATER BECAME

- KNOWN AS "THE STATE." YES.- [CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

THE FIRST THING WE EVER DID

WAS A VIDEO ABOUT HOW AUDIENCESHOULD BEHAVE AT A SKETCH SHOW.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU MAY RECOGNIZE MY COSTAR,MICHAEL IAN BLACK.

OR, AS HE WAS KNOWN THEN,MICHAEL SCHWARTZ

BEFORE HE CHANGED HIS NAMEBECAUSE HE'S A SELF-HATING JEW.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NOW, THAT WAS THE SAME YEARTHAT I FIRST DID STANDUP.

I ENTERED A COMEDY CONTESTON A BET AND I WAS TERRIFIED.

I'D NEVER DONE STANDUP BEFORE

SO I MADE UP A STAGE NAME,EDDIE ENGLISH.

AND I WORE THISLITTLE DRIVER'S CAP.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE CAPWAS SUPPOSED TO SIGNIFY

OTHER THAN THATI MIGHT HAVE BEEN A HIGH SCHOOLPRODUCTION OF OLIVER.

[LAUGHTER]

MOSTLY, THOUGH,I DID BAD IMPRESSIONS.FOR INSTANCE,

I DID AN IMPRESSION OFJOHN TRAVOLTA FROM THE TV MOVIE

THE BOY IN THE PLASTIC BUBBLE.WHICH WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

"HEY, I'M A BOYAND I'M TRAPPED INSIDETHIS BUBBLE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DID I WIN THE CONTEST? NO.

BUT DID I COME IN SECOND? NO.

BUT DID I COME IN THIRD? NO.

WERE THERE ONLYFOUR COMPETITORS? YEAH.

BUT IT WAS A THRILLINGAND TERRIFYING FEELING

AND I CAUGHT THE BUGFOR STANDUP THAT NIGHT.

I DREW FROM THOSE EXPERIENCESFOR THE VERY NEXT TIME

- I DID STANDUP 12 YEARS LATER.- [LAUGHTER]