Chelsea Peretti - I Don't Even Notice It

  • Season 15 , Ep 3
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 50,895

Chelsea Peretti feels like three-legged dog owners are looking down on her love for dog cuteness. (2:35)

I CAN BE PRETTY JUDGMENTALOF PEOPLE. I CAN. AND I...

I SAW THIS GIRL.

SHE WAS VERY CUTE, BUTSHE WAS WEARING A TEE-SHIRT,

AND IT SAID,"I HEART NERDS" ON IT.

AND I WAS JUST LOOKINGAT HER, AND I WAS LIKE,

"GOD, I WISH I COULD MAKE HERFORCE [deleted] AN ENGINEER

"WITH CYSTIC ACNE FOR JUSTHOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS."

UNTIL SHE WAS JUST LIKE,

"ALL RIGHT, I DON'T--I DON'T HEART NERDS-- I DON'T."

"I HEART GOOD-LOOKINGGUYS WHO WEAR EYEGLASSES.

"THAT'S WHAT I HEART."

[applause]

WE'RE LIKE, "ALL RIGHT--REVISE THE SHIRT."

I ALSO DON'T REALLY CAREFOR THREE-LEGGED DOG OWNERS.

I-I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY ARE THERE SO MANYTHREE-LEGGED DOGS NOW?

IS THERE AN ALLIGATOR PITBESIDE A DOG RUN SOMEWHERE

THAT NEEDS TO BE TAKENCARE OF-- WHAT'S HAPPENING?

I DON'T LIKETHEIR ATTITUDE.

I FEEL LIKETHEY'RE ALWAYS LIKE,

"I DON'T EVEN NOTICE IT,I DON'T EVEN NOTICE IT.

"I DON'T SEE IT,I DON'T SEE IT.

"DO YOU SEE IT--I DON'T SEE IT.

"MY DOG'S JUSTA SPIRIT TO ME."

YOU KNOW, LIKE,I FEEL LIKE--

I FEEL LIKE THEY'RE JUDGING ME,LIKE, THEY'RE LIKE, "WHAT?

"DO YOU LIKEDOGS FOR CUTENESS?

"IS THAT WHAT YOULIKE DOGS FOR?

"THAT'S WHAT YOULIKE DOGS FOR?"

IT'S LIKE, "YEAH, THAT'SPRETTY MUCH EXCLUSIVELY

"WHAT I LIKE DOGSFOR-- CUTENESS."

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT INLOVE WITH THE FACT

THAT THEY'RE WALKING[deleted] MACHINES.

I SAW THIS GUY IN L.A.

HE WAS ACTUALLY JOGGINGWITH THE THREE-LEGGED DOG.

HE WAS JUST LIKE...[whistles]

AND THE DOG WAS LIKE,"HUUNGH, HELP ME."

I WAS LIKE, "YOU'VETAKEN IT TOO FAR, SIR.

"YOU'VE TAKEN IT TOO FAR--PLEASE ADMIT THAT."

YOU KNOW, I JUSTWANTED SO BADLY

FOR SOMEONE TO SNIPETHE DOG AND TAKE IT DOWN,

AND JUST TOSEE HIM LIKE,

"NO, HOW DO I PROVEHOW DEEP I AM INSTANTLY."

[applause]

DO YOU THINK IT'S OKAY WHENSOMEONE'S TELLING YOU SOMETHING

TO SAY, "WHO CARES,"

[audience laughing]

IF YOU SAY IT TENDERLY,AND YOU TOUCH THEIR ARM?

[audience laughing]

COME ON-- WHO CARES?

[audience laughing]

[applause]

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