Henry Phillips - Break-Up

  • Season 9, Ep 23
  • 07/14/2005
  • Views: 6,903

Henry is going through a break-up situation -- it's been about seven years. (3:56)

AND I'M GOING THROUGH A LITTLE

BIT OF A BREAK UP SITUATION

RIGHT NOW WHICH BLOWS, A LOT OF

MY FRIENDS ARE TIRED OF HEARING

ABOUT IT, IT'S BEEN ABOUT

SEVEN YEARS NOW OR WHATEVER

BUT STILL...

[LAUGHTER]

I DATED A GIRL RECENTLY WHO WAS

COOL, I DON'T THINK SHE KNEW

HOWEVER, AND THIS IS IMPORTANT

GIRLS, THAT, THERE ARE CERTAIN

THINGS THAT GIRLS AREN'T

SUPPOSED TO SAY IN THE MIDDLE

OF HAVING SEX.

LIKE I HAVE NO PROBLEM IF YOU'RE

HAVING SEX AND AT ONE POINT

THE GIRL SAYS, "HEY, I REALLY

LIKE, UH YOUR PENIS OR WHATEVER

IT IS", UM, BUT SHE WOULD ALWAYS

BE LIKE "UH, WOW, I REALLY LIKE

PENISES."

AND I WAS LIKE "PENISES?"

IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO PUT THE

WORD "YOUR" IN THERE, I GUESS IS

WHAT I'M SAYING.

[LAUGHTER]

AND THE OTHER THING IS.

I HAVE NO PROBLEM IF YOU'RE

HAVING SEX AND AT ONE POINT

THE GIRL SAYS, "HEY, I REALLY

LIKE IT WHEN YOU DO THIS,

YOU KNOW DOWN THERE, WHATEVER

THAT IS.

BUT SHE WOULD ALWAYS BE LIKE,

"I REALLY LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE,

UH DO THIS."

AND I SAID "PEOPLE?

THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT WORD

AT ALL, THAT'S NOT EVEN LIKE

GENDER SPECIFIC."

YOU JUST PICTURE LIKE A BIG

CROWD OF PEOPLE AT THE DMV OR

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT THIS IS A SONG THAT'S JUST

ABOUT CALLING THAT SOMEBODY

SPECIAL REALLY LATE AT NIGHT,

AND UH...

[LAUGHTER]

AND IT'S A NEW SONG AND I HOPE

YOU ENJOY IT.

♪ HELLO MICHELLE--

ONE THING ACTUALLY, I'M SORRY.

BEFORE I DO THIS SONG,

I JUST GOT THIS ALBUM FROM THE

DAVE MATTHEWS BAND AND IT'S A

LIVE ALBUM.

AND EVERY TIME HE DOES

THE FIRST LINE OF THE SONG

THERE'S LIKE THIS HUGE

UPROARIOUS APPLAUSE OR WHATEVER

'CAUSE IT'S EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE

SONG OR WHATEVER.

AND I KNOW YOU GUYS HAVE NEVER

HEARD ANY OF THIS CRAP BEFORE

BUT I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN

TO TRY TO RECREATE THAT WHOLE

MOMENT RIGHT NOW, JUST YOU KNOW,

PEOPLE WATCHING...

THANKS.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

THAT'LL BE LIKE THE REHEARSAL

OR WHATEVER BUT WHAT I MEAN IS

LIKE ONCE I DO THE SONG.

[LAUGHTER]

LET'S START IT AGAIN.

♪ HELLO MICHELLE

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.

[LAUGHTER]

♪ I KNOW YOU'RE

♪ PROBABLY SLEEPING

♪ BUT I JUST CALLED

♪ 'CAUSE THERE WAS

♪ SOMETHING ON MY MIND

♪ YOU'RE THE KINDA GIRL

♪ THAT A MAN COULD

♪ REALLY SETTLE DOWN WITH

♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE SMART,

♪ FAITHFUL, INNOCENT

♪ AND KIND

♪ WHICH IS WHY

♪ I'M CALLING YOU TONIGHT

♪ WHAT WAS THE NAME

♪ OF THAT ONE OTHER CHICK

♪ YOU WERE HANGING OUT WITH

♪ FRIDAY NIGHT

♪ WITH THE PIERCED TONGUE

♪ YOU KNOW THE ONE WHO SAID

♪ SHE USED TO BE A STRIPPER

♪ AND YOU SAID SHE WAS

♪ MAKING UP FOR SOME

♪ EMOTIONAL INSECURITIES

♪ BY SLEEPING WITH

♪ EVERY GUY SHE MEETS

♪ WELL, IS SHE

♪ SEEING ANYONE RIGHT NOW

♪ AND IF NOT, WELL DO YOU

♪ MAYBE HAVE HER NUMBER?

♪ AND IF SHE IS

♪ THEN WHAT ARE YOU

♪ DOING TONIGHT?

♪ OH HANG ON MICHELLE

♪ I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE

♪ MY CALL WAITING

♪ HANG ON REALLY QUICK WHILE I

♪ JUST LOSE THAT OTHER CALL

♪ CLICK

♪ OH, HEY JEANINE

♪ WHAT'S THAT?

♪ YOU SAY YOU WANNA SEE ME

♪ AND YOU'RE NOT WEARING

♪ ANYTHING AT ALL

♪ HANG ON WHILE I JUST

♪ LOSE THAT OTHER CALL

♪ CLICK

♪ OH HEY JEANINE-- MICHELLE--

♪ WHATEVER THE HELL

♪ YOUR NAME IS

♪ LISTEN I BETTER TAKE THAT

♪ IT SOUNDS KIND OF IMPORTANT

♪ BUT LISTEN

♪ YOU KNOW WE SHOULD REALLY

♪ GET TOGETHER SOMETIME

♪ 'CAUSE I'D LOVE TO KNOW

♪ MORE ABOUT YOU

♪ AND PLUS I GOT TO GET

♪ THAT STRIPPER'S NUMBER

♪ BUT RIGHT NOW I BETTER GET

♪ THAT OTHER LINE

♪ BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW

♪ THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE

♪ MORE OR LESS

♪ IN THE BACK OF MY MIND ♪

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

THANK YOU.

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