Doug Benson - Dry Spell

  • Season 8, Ep 11
  • 03/04/2004
  • Views: 16,259

Doug Benson only has sex in months that end in 'arch.' (2:25)

SO WHERE ARE YOU FROM, SIR?

SEATTLE IS ANOTHER CITY...

[LAUGHTER]THAT I WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT,

BECAUSE IN SEATTLE THEY HAVEA SAYING, "IF YOU DON'T LIKE

THE WEATHER, WAIT FIVE MINUTESAND THEN SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE

FACE OR HAVE A DRINK."

I ACTUALLY SPENT SOME TIMEDRINKING WITH MY GRANDFATHER

ONCE.

HAS ANYBODY HERE EVER DONETHAT...

WITH MY GRANDFATHER?

[LAUGHTER]THAT'D BE A WEIRD ASS

COINCIDENCE.

YOU DID, SIR?

AND IT WAS REALLY A STRANGEEXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE

IT'S LIKE YOUR OWN FUTURESITTING THERE ON THE BAR STOOL

NEXT TO YOU.

AND YOU'RE LIKE, "HMMM, THATDOESN'T LOOK GOOD."

AND I SAID TO MY GRANDFATHER,I SAID, "YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK I'VE HAD TOO MUCH,I THINK I BETTER STOP, I THINK

I'M DRUNK."

AND MY 85 YEAR-OLD GRANDFATHERACTUALLY SAID TO ME, "YOU'RE

NOT DRUNK UNTIL YOU HAVETO GRAB THE GRASS TO KEEP FROM

FALLING OFF OF THE EARTH."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ALL RIGHT!

GO FOR THE GUSTO, GRANDPA!

SO, WHAT ELSE IS IN THE NEWS?

I HAVE BEEN IN KIND OF A SEXUALDRY SPELL LATELY.

IN THE PAST FEW YEARS, I'VE ONLYHAD SEX IN MONTHS THAT END IN

"ARCH".

[LAUGHTER]

IN YEARS THAT HAVE AN OLYMPICS.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

JUST THE SUMMER GAMES.

WHICH IS A SHAME, BECAUSE I AMGREAT IN BED.

I AM.

I'M EXCELLENT IN THE OLDSACKAROONI, 'CAUSE I DO THINGS

FOR THE LADIES.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]YEAH.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

[LAUGHTER]I DO THINGS--

I DO THINGS FOR THE LADIES THATTHEY APPRECIATE.

I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.

DURING THE ACT OF LOVEMAKING,I WILL ACTUALLY WARN THE WOMAN

WHEN I'M ABOUT READY TO WRAPIT UP.

[LAUGHTER]I THINK THAT'S A VERY SWEET

GESTURE.

I'LL WHISPER SOMETHING ROMANTICIN HER EAR.

SOMETHING LIKE, "T MINUS10 SECONDS...

NINE...

EIGHT...

OOPS!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SORRY, NICE LADY.

HAVE A GOOD APRIL."

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