Lewis Black - February in Boston

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 12/21/1998
  • Views: 19,663

Lewis experiences five seasons in four days. (2:29)

WAS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL

AND THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONGTEN YEARS AGO.

I WAS IN BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTSIN FEBRUARY, OKAY?

NORMALLY, IN FEBRUARY, IN BOSTON

AND IN MOST OF THE COUNTRY

THE WEATHER IS GRAY, RAINY GRAY

SLEET GRAY, RAIN GRAY,SLEET, SNOW GRAY...

EVERY DAY IT JUST GETS GRAYERAND GRAYER AND GRAYER.

YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY

AND YOU GO,"I'M NOT COMING TO WORK."

YOUR BOSS GOES,"WHY NOT? YOU SICK?"

"NO! IT'S TOO GRAY."

I DON'T KNOWIF IT'S DAWN OR DUSK.

I DON'T EVEN KNOWWHY THE SUN BOTHERS TO COME OUT.

AND THEN YOU WAKE UP

AND IT'S THE GRAYEST DAYYOU'VE EVER SEEN.

AND THE NEXT DAY,IT'S EVEN GRAYER.

AND THAT'S USUALLYVALENTINE'S DAY

AND THAT'S THE DAYYOU LOOK AT YOUR WRISTS

AND GO, "HEY, MAYBE I SHOULDSLIT THEM TO SEE COLOR."

BUT IN THAT...THAT FEBRUARY IN BOSTON

IN FOUR DAYS,I EXPERIENCED FIVE SEASONS.

IT WAS 30, IT WAS 60,IT WAS 90, IT WAS 12.

ON THE LAST DAY

THERE WAS THUNDER, LIGHTNINGAND SNOW... TOGETHER.

AND I HADN'T DONE DRUGS.

'CAUSE WHEN YOU'RELYING IN BED, OKAY...

AND YOU HEAR THUNDER OUTSIDE

AND YOU GET UP TO LOOK,YOU HAVE AN EXPECTATION

THAT IT'S NOT SNOWWITH LIGHTNING BEHIND IT.

THAT'S...

NOT RIGHT.

THEY DON'T EVEN WRITE ABOUT THATKIND OF WEATHER IN THE BIBLE.

AND I IMAGINE IF A PROPHETHAD SEEN THAT KIND OF WEATHER

AFTER HE WIPED THE POOPOUT OF HIS PANTS

HE'D HAVE TOLD US ABOUT IT.

I WAS SUPPOSEDTO WORK THAT NIGHT.

I SAID, "I'M NOT COMING IN.I'M SCARED TO DEATH."

'CAUSE I KNOW WHAT THE NEXTSEASON'S GOING TO BE:

LOCUSTS.

AND THERE WILL COME A TIME--MARK MY WORDS--

WHERE THERE WILL BE A SEASON

OF JUST GREAT BIG GIANT FROGSTHAT FALL FROM THE SKY.

OH, YEAH, LOOK AT MELIKE I'M NUTS.

YOU'LL SEE WILLARD SCOTT...

WILLARD SCOTT--HE SMILES SO MUCH

I DON'T THINKHE HAS A CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM.

WILLARD SCOTT'LL BE STANDING INFRONT OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT

DRESSED IN A CHIPMUNK OUTFIT

AND FROGS'LL BE BOUNCINGOFF HIS HEAD.

AND HE'LL BE GOING,"GIANT FROGS, GIANT FROGS.

WHAT CAN I SAY? BACK TO YOU."

( laughter and applause )

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