Iliza Shlesinger - Season Change

  • Season 14 , Ep 18
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 41,353

Just because people are from somewhere cold doesn't mean that they don't get cold. (2:55)

WOO! THAT IS WHAT ILIKE TO HEAR!

THAT IS THE LADY CHEER.

"WHOO!"

SOUNDS LIKE MOREOF A MATING CALL AT THIS POINT.

"WHOO!"IT'S THE GIRL CHEER.

IT'S WHAT GIRLS DOTO LET YOU KNOW

WE'RE HERE, WE'RE READY TO GO.

YOU HAVING FUN?[ SHRIEKS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

HAPPY TO BE HERE?[ SHRIEKS ]

WHERE'D YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

[ Squeaky voice ]USC, HOME OF THE TROJANS.

WHOO!

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ Normal voice ]IT'S LIKE,

"MA'AM,THIS IS A JOB INTERVIEW.

WHY DON'T YOUPUT YOUR SHIRT DOWN?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'M SO EXCITED.

I LOVE NEW YORK CITY.I LOVE BEING HERE.

AND I LOVE THAT IT'SCOLD HERE -- THAT, TOO.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

OH, AND...

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR YANKEES.

GOOD FOR YOU, GUYS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I LOVE THAT IT'S COLD HERE.I LOVE -- I LOVE SEASON CHANGES.

ONE OF MY BIGGEST PET PEEVES,THOUGH,

IS PEOPLE WHO ACT LIKE,

BECAUSE THEY'RE FROMSOMEWHERE COLD,

THAT THEY DON'T GET COLD.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I WAS IN NEW YORKLAST CHRISTMAS.

IT'S SNOWING.THERE'S A GUY IN A T-SHIRT.

I'M LIKE,"DUDE, AREN'T YOU COLD?"

[ New York accent ]"NO, I'M FROM NEW YORK.I DON'T GET COLD."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ Normal voice ] JUST 'CAUSEYOU'RE FROM A COLD PLACE

DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE GENETICALLYPREDISPOSED TO NOT FEELING COLD.

YOU'RE NOT A PENGUIN.

I WAS LIKE, "IN FACT, SIR,YOU'RE PUERTO RICAN,

SO, IF ANYTHING,YOU SHOULD BE MORE COLD."

[ LAUGHTER ]

I LIKE LOOKING AT PEOPLE WITHTATTOOS AND JUST ASKING...

"Why?"

PEOPLE GET, LIKE,THE WEIRDEST ONES.

I SAW A WOMAN AT THE FAIR,ALL RIGHT?

SHE WAS...A HANDSOME WOMAN.

WE'LL LEAVE IT AT THAT.

SHE WAS -- SHE WAS A BIGGER --

SHE MUST'VE BEEN LIKEA LINEBACKER IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.

I SAY MIDDLE SCHOOL

'CAUSE THERE'S NO WAYSHE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL.

THIS WOMAN...

[ LAUGHTER ]

...SHE HAD ANGEL WINGS,LITTLE ONES,

AND I DON'T KNOW IF THEY STARTEDOUT NORMAL AND SHE GOT BIGGER

OR IF THEY WERE MEANTTO BE LITTLE -- I DON'T KNOW.

IT HAPPENS WITH TATTOOS.

SHE HAD LITTLE ANGEL WINGSTATTOOED RIGHT HERE

ON HER SHOULDER BLADES, OKAY?

AND I'VE SEEN THIS TATTOOON A LOT OF GIRLS.

AND WHENEVER I SEE, LIKE,A BIG WOMAN WITH ANGEL WINGS,

IT'S KIND OF LIKELOOKING AT A PENGUIN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

'CAUSE I'M SITTING THERE STARINGAT HER, BAFFLED, JUST LIKE,

"HOW ARE THOSE LITTLE WINGSGONNA LIFT THAT BIG BODY?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

GUESS YOU'RE STAYING HERE.

GUYS LIKE TO GETTHE BARBED WIRE.

WHAT DOES THAT SAY?

[ Deep voice ] "I'M BARBED WIRE.I'M A BADASS."

[ Normal voice ]WHY JUST ON THE ONE ARM?

IS THAT WARNING MEABOUT THE DANGERS OF THAT ARM?

[ Deep voice ]"I WARNED YOU.

"I COULD BE AT A BUS STOP.THIS ARM'S FINE.

"THIS ONE COULD -- PFFT! --GET YOU IN THE TOOTH.

"WE DON'T KNOW.

DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'LL DO.YOU'VE BEEN WARNED."

[ Normal voice ]THIS GUY HAD BARBED WIRE HERE,

BUT IT DIDN'T COMPLETEON THE INSIDE.

WHAT THAT SAYS TO ME IS,

"I'M A BADASS IF YOU'RE LOOKINGBUT NOT IF IT'S OWIE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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