Matt Fulchiron - Try to Keep Up

Matt Fulchiron Season 15, Ep 11 02/25/2011 Views: 8,354

Matt Fulchiron reasons that homeless people are so g**damn homeless all the time because they're stupid. (2:02)

I was walking ina liquor store one time

to get some gum andsome liquor, aka brunch,

aka combo mealnumber three...

That's french for three.

Get an education--Try to keep up.

The homeless guy waslike, uh, he goes,

"Hey, can Iget some money?"

I was like, "I'm reallybroke right now."

He's like,"Maybe on the way out."

I was like,"I'm gonna be more broke

"on the way out."

God, homeless peopleare so stupid!

It's probably why they'reso goddamn homeless

all the time.

[audience laughing]

Here's something fun to doif you're into having fun.

You go into the liquor storeand get a miniature vodka,

one like this big.

And when you hand the guythe money you be like,

"Yo, I'm getting[deleted] up tonight, dog!

"'Cause I just got paidup out this bitch.

"That's why."

That's only ifyou like having fun.

Don't rush into anythingyou're not ready for,

all right?

Another fun thing to do,

go downtown find somebodyin a business suit

and be like,"Hey, dick, get a job!"

And they'll be like,"I'm wearing a suit."

Be like, "You're not foolinganybody, ass [deleted]!"

Just make sure that light'sabout to turn green.

Don't make the same mistakeme and my mother made.

Oh, my god--Worst Christmas ever.

There's a lot of peerpressure out there

running rampantin the streets.

You guys have todeal with it.

I have todeal with it.

My friend Steve wants meto come over his house

and watch "Dirty Dancing Two,Havana Nights."

I don't wanna watch"Dirty Dancing Two."

I'm like, no Swayze?

No way-ze.

[cheers and applause]

Thank you.

Swayze, Patrick Swayze hada song out in the '80s called

"She's Like The Wind."

And, uh, me and mygirlfriend heard it

three timesin one day.

A phenomenon known onlyas sway-ja-voo.

[audience laughing]