Jesse, Earl, let's roll!
- Earl was born with a silver spoon in his mouth,
and he's gonna die with Rob Schneider's dick in it.
If you're gonna suck somebody's dick
to get ahead in show business,
maybe you shouldn't pick a guy
who's already sucking somebody's dick
to get ahead in show business.
Earl is the back end--
- Wait a second,whoa, whoa whoa.
- Wait, wait wait a minute.
that joke lasted longerthan his first marriage.
I mean, and listen, I'm nervous.
Jesse's Comedy Central'snumber one roast writer.
His jokes kill.
(groans from audience)
- Last joke, last joke.
- When did he have a first joke?
- This is when--
Earl's parents died 20 years ago.
And if they came back to life today
and you showed them his resume,
they wouldn't know any time had passed.
- I'll take bombing for a 1000 Alex.
Jesse, what's with the earring dude?
You're so far back in the closet,
I gotta give you to Goodwill tomorrow.
- Make it loud, Jesse Joyce, Earl Skakel.
That wave though.
- That was like playingfucking Mortal Combat,
the other guy's controller's battery died.
Earl fucking destroyed.
Earl you killed it.
- You know what I'm gonna say this Jim,
I'm gonna take Earl from Rob Schneider.
I'm taking ya home.
You're with me now.
It gets no better than tonight!