Damien Lemon - News Moves Fast

  • Season 2 , Ep 2
  • 01/26/2012
  • Views: 9,925

If a celebrity dies, Damien Lemon likes to break the news first. (2:13)

DEAD RAPPERS GETTHE BEST LOVE, RIGHT?

TOO BAD THEY BE DEAD.

IT IS WHAT IT IS.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, SHIT.

I GET EXCITED WHENCELEBRITIES DIE.

MAYBE NOT EXCITED.

I JUST-- YOUKNOW WHAT IT IS.

I GET EXCITED TOBREAK THE NEWS.

'CAUSE THAT'S THE CLOSEST YOUGONNA BE TO A NEWS REPORTER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

'CAUSE WHAT DO YOU DO, ASSOON AS A CELEBRITY DIE,

THE FIRST THINGYOU DO, YOU LIKE,

"BABY, YOU HEARD ABOUTMICHAEL JACKSON?

"DEAD, YEAH.

"FIFTY--YEAH, 50.

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

"I DON'T-I DON'TKNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

"I DON'T KNOWWHAT HAPPENED.

"LISTEN, I GOTMORE CALLS TO MAKE,

"BUT REMEMBER WHERE YOUHEARD IT FIRST."

WORD.

GOT THAT EXCLUSIVE!

GOTTA BREAK THAT NEWS EARLY.

THE INTERNET, THOUGH,IT STEAL YOUR THUNDER.

NEWS MOVE TOO FAST ON THEINTERNET NOW, YOU KNOW?

KILL ALL YOUR SHINE--MAKE THE SAME CALL.

"BABY, YOU HEARDABOUT AMY WINEHOUSE?

"OH, YOU SAW IT ON TWITTER?

"A'IGHT, WELL, LISTEN, THESEARE MY DAYTIME MINUTES.

"I CAN'T BE TALKIN'--I TALK TO YOU."

WE AIN'T TALK ABOUT THE SERVICEON OUR PHONES NO MORE, RIGHT?

ALL YOU WANT-- ALL YOUTALK ABOUT IS THE APPS.

THAT'S WHAT SELLSTHE PHONE NOW.

THE APPS IS ALL THAT.

THEY GOT APPS--THEY GOT GPS ON THE PHONE.

YOU CAN FIND OUT WHERE THECLOSEST PIZZA SHOP IS

IN A THREE BLOCK RADIUS.

FIND OUT WHERE THE BEST SLICEOF PIZZA IS IN YOUR BLOCK.

FIND THE NEAREST-THENEAREST GAS STATION.

YOU CAN FIND ALL OF THAT.

I NEED SOMETHIN' TOHELP ME FIND MY FATHER.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW IF THERE'SAN APP FOR THAT.

THAT'D HELP, THOUGH, RIGHT?

YOU JUST TAKE YOUR PHONE,LICK THE SCREEN, LIKE "AGH!"

TWO MINUTES LATER, IT'SLIKE, "OH, YOU GERALD'S SON.

"HE LIVE RIGHTUP THE BLOCK."

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