Gary Valentine - Single Guy

  • Season 5 , Ep 14
  • 09/30/2001
  • Views: 8,620

There's nothing more brutal for single people than a blind date. (2:27)

THERE'S SOME BEAUTIFUL LADIES

HERE.

CAN I JUST SAY THAT?

MY GOODNESS.

NOT TONIGHT, BUT LAST NIGHT WE

AH...

(LAUGHTER)

JUST KIDDING.

YOU KNOW NEW YORK HAS THE MOST

BEAUTIFUL LADIES IN THE WORLD.

I AM CONVINCED OF THAT.

IT'S JUST SO TOUGH TO MEET,

YOU KNOW?

I WAS IN A SUPERMARKET THE OTHER

DAY.

GREAT LOOKING GIRL JUST HAPPENED

TO TURN AND LOOK MY WAY.

JUST AS SHE DID I WAS IN THE

MIDDLE OF A YAWN.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I TRIED TO CUT IT SHORT,

YOU KNOW HOW YOU...

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES NOW.

IT'S SO TOUGH OUT THERE.

I WENT OUT ON A DATE THE OTHER

NIGHT.

I TOOK THIS GIRL TO DINNER.

I KNEW IT WASN'T GONNA GO

ANYWHERE SEXUALLY BECAUSE I WAS

OUT OF CHLOROFORM AND RAGS.

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH, WHAT DO YOU DO?

I THINK ANYTHING'S BETTER THAN A

BLIND DATE.

BLIND DATES ARE BRUTAL.

BRUTAL!

CAPITAL B, CAPITAL R, UTAL.

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE NOT

CLICKING WITH SOMEONE.

YOU KNOW IT RIGHT AWAY.

YOU KNOW, YOU PICK HER UP,

"HI...

I'M GONNA PUKE."

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT?

IT'S ABOUT KIDS.

I WANT KIDS, THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

I REALLY DO.

MY BUDDIES ARE ALL MARRIED

AND THEY HAVE KIDS.

MY FRIEND, I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS

GUY IN TWO YEARS, HE WANTED TO

SHOW ME PICTURES...

OF HIS KIDS THE OTHER DAY.

I'M A SINGLE GUY, NO KIDS,

HOW DO YOU RELATE TO THAT?

HE'S ALL EXCITED, "LOOK, HERE'S

MY 2 YEAR OLD BOY AND 3 YEAR OLD

GIRL."

AND I WENT, "OH, WOW, YEAH,

SHE'S HOT."

(LAUGHTER)

WHICH IS WRONG.

MY OTHER FRIEND PUTS HIS LITTLE

GIRL ON THE PHONE WITH ME EVERY

TIME I CALL UP.

THAT'S CUTE, ONCE OR TWICE,

NOT 10 (BLEEP)-IN TIMES.

"HEY, JACK, HOW YOU DOING

BUDDY?"

"HEY NOTHING GARY, JUST HANGING

AROUND, WAIT, LISA, SAY HELLO

TO GARY."

"NO, NO, JACK, I CAN'T, I GOTTA,

I GOTTA GET GOING.

I DON'T..."

(BLEEP)

(LITTLE GIRL VOICE) "HI"

GARY>> "HI, HI, LIS, HOW ARE

YOU?"

GIRL>> "HI"

GARY>> "HI.

LISTEN, I HEAR DAD BROUGHT YOU

HOME SOME ICE CREAM TODAY, HUH?"

GIRL>> "HI"

GARY>> "PUT YOUR FATHER BACK ON

THE PHONE!

THIS IS GOING NOWHERE!"

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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