Myq Kaplan - Spectrum of Dorkery

  • Season 14 , Ep 22
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 13,629

Myq Kaplan will fight any Jew to see who is the chosenest of the chosen people. (1:37)

BACK WHEN I HADDIFFERENT GLASSES.

THESE ARE KICKIN', OBVIOUSLY.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN SEE --

THERE'S NO METAL IN THEM,SO I COULD FIGHT MAGNETO.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

AND I'M ALSO A VEGETARIAN.

IT MEANS NOT A LOT OF IRONIN MY SYSTEM.

STRIKE TWO, MAGNETO.CAN'T CONTROL MY BLOOD.

ONE TOO MANY MAGNETO JOKES,PER USUAL.

HERE WE ARE.

BUT I'M ACTUALLY A VEGAN.

ANY OTHER DOUCHEBAGS HERE?ALL RIGHT. GOT ME.

BUT PEOPLE ALWAYS ASSUME I'MINTO OTHER KINDS OF ACTIVISM.

THEY'RE LIKE,"OH, YOU'RE A VEGETARIAN.

DO YOU CARE ABOUTTHE ENVIRONMENT?"

"NO.

I EAT THE ENVIRONMENT."

THAT'S WHAT WE DO.IT'S MADE OF VEGETABLES.

BEING VEGAN, PEOPLE DON'TUNDERSTAND THE VEGAN LIFESTYLE.

LIKE I TALKED TO A GUY,HE'S LIKE, "YOU'RE A VEGAN?

SO YOU'RE LIKE A VEGAN VEGAN."

I WAS LIKE,"DON'T SAY IT A THIRD TIME,

"OR ANOTHER ONE WILL APPEAR!

"HE'LL GIVE YOU A VEGAN MINDMELD OR THE VEGAN DEATH GRIP,

"WHICH IS JUST A MASSAGE.

IT DOESN'T REALLY HURT."

THE POINT IS, YES,I READ COMIC BOOKS,

BUT I'M NOT, UH...

I DON'T BELIEVE IN THEM,I GUESS.

LIKE IF SOMEBODY SAID TO ME,"HEY, MYQ,

WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT,THOR OR SUPERMAN?"

I'D SAY, "I DON'T KNOWWHO WOULD WIN THAT FIGHT,

"MY FRIENDLESS FRIEND,

"BUT I DO KNOW WHO WOULD WININ A FIGHT BETWEEN YOU

AND ANYONE YOUWENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH."

SO...

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE POINT IS,THERE'S A SPECTRUM OF DORKERY,

FROM PEOPLE WHO USE WORDSLIKE "DORKERY"

TO THOSE WHO DO NOT.

AND I'M ABOUT AS TOUGHAS A JEW CAN BE, I THINK.

AND IF THERE'S ANY JEWS HERE

OR ANYWHERE IN THE WORLDTHAT WANT TO FIGHT ME,

SEE WHO IS THE "CHOSENEST"OF THE CHOSEN PEOPLE

OR THE "KCHIGHLANDER,"IF YOU WILL.

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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