Jonah & Kumail - Kindergarten Betrayal - Uncensored

The One with Betrayal Season 1, Ep 6 09/04/2014 Views: 3,857

While growing up in Pakistan, Kumail Nanjiani learns about the vindictive nature of kindergarteners. (2:08)

So, I was a little, little kid,and what we do in Pak

If you weren't a little kid--I was in kindergartenand I was 16. Whoa!

No, it's like a Pakistani scam,I was like the basketball team.

Yeah, it was a big controversy,the kindergarten basketball teamof Pakistan.

If you did read the papersfrom Pakistan, in thelate 80's--

Too busy watching Arsenio Hall!

I should do specific Pakistanireferences from that era.

Sure, go for it.

You guys likeNeelam Khurasan again.

Nah. Where's the beef?

You're the one getting them all.

So, I'm in kindergarten, and inPakistan, kids do this thingwhere like if you're friends...

with someone, you do--this is called Dosti...

and this is like when you're notfriends with someone, so--

What happens-- what's this then?Is that for--

Frenemies.

Frenemies, okay?

Friends, enemies, frenemies.

Boink.

So, it was me and three friendsand we w-- we had this thing,we had a ritual...

every morning, we would showup-- this was non-standard...

but we were such good friends,we would do it.

We would like renew our bondsof friendship every day.

We would meet up at the locker,and be like Dosti, Dosti, Dosti.

And we were the best of friends.

One day, I hadn't hadbreakfast, and I wasin kind of a shitty mood.

The first guy shows up, and he'slike Dosti, and I was like...

Not today, bro.

Oh!

Just to see what would happen,he went and told theother two guys...

and none of them evertalked to me ever again.

Oh, my god.

For the rec-- I was likeostracized from kindergartensociety.

I had no friends, and thenI saved up all my money...

and I bought like fun erasersfor all of them...

as like a "here, like,be friends."

But there was a kid in classand he would like eateverybody's erasers.

You had to like hide yourerasers from him.

And so I gave them to thesekids, and they just gaveit to the guy...

and they all watchedwhile this kid ate allof my erasers.

And then, they told everyonethat my mom was a ghost...

and whenever my mom cameto school to pick me up...

people would screamand run away.