Eddie Brill - News Anchors

  • Season 1, Ep 5
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 4,617

News anchors are so in love with themselves. (1:07)

(Eddie Brill)THE NEWS PEOPLE,THE WEATHER PEOPLE,

THEY'RE SO IN LOVEWITH THEMSELVES.

YOU CAN TELL 'CAUSESOMETIMES ON THE NEWS,

AN ANCHORPERSON GETSREPLACED BY ANOTHER ONE

AND THEN THEY ANNOUNCE ITLIKE THEY THINK WE CARE.

IT'S LIKE... "I'M CHRISPHILLIPS WITH THE NEWS,

ADAM ROTH HASTHE NIGHT OFF."

IT'S LIKE WHOGIVES A (bleep),

JUST READ THE NEWS.

THIS IS TELEVISION, WE CANSEE YOU'RE NOT THAT GUY.

WE'RE NOT LIKE...

WHERE'S THE OTHER GUY?

WHO ARE YOU...YOU'RE AN IMPOSTER.

I WANT MY OLD GUY BACK.

LA LA LA LAÉ--I'M NOT LISTENING.

ÉLA LA LA LA.

NOBODY CARES.

AND NOBODY DOES THATAT ANY OTHER JOB.

HEY, MY NAMEIS DICK WARREN,

I'M HERE TO FILLYOUR TANK WITH GAS.

YOU SEE, JOHN HARRISONHAS THE NIGHT OFF TONIGHT.

HIS WIFE'S PREGNANT.

THEY HAVE EASY JOBS,

AND THE WEATHER PEOPLEHAVE IT EVEN EASIER.

WEATHER PEOPLE, THEYPOINT TO STUFF AND MAKEIT UP, THAT'S THEIR JOB.

YOU KNOW WHY THEY DO THAT?

'CAUSE THEY ARE WRONG75% OF THE TIME

SO THEY HAVETO MAKE UP STUFF.

IF I WAS IN CHARGE OFTHE WEATHER AND I WANTED

TO GET IT RIGHT, YOU HIREPEOPLE WITH ARTHRITIS

TO DO THE WEATHER BECAUSETHEY KNOW IN ADVANCE

WHEN IT'S GONNA RAIN.

YOU SEE A WEATHERPERSON BENT OVER

WITH A GNARLED HANDPOINTING TO THE MAP,

YOU BETTER GET YOUR SLICKERON 'CAUSE IT'S GONNA RAIN.

THESE PEOPLE ARE INTOUCH WITH THE WEATHER.

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