Gabe Liedman - Hating Monkeys

Gabe Liedman Season 2, Ep 8 05/24/2013 Views: 8,952

Gabe Liedman does not like where monkeys have parked on the evolutionary spectrum. (1:54)

Like, (bleep) I don'tknow anything.

I need to learn more.

I know that about myself.

I need more information inmy (bleep) skull at all times.

But I don't put it in there'cause it's boring.

Like, I-I watch so much TV.

And I know that there's shiton TV that's, like, educational.

Like, there's nature programs,there's (bleep)

how-to-make-shit programs.

Whatever. And, like, I'm always,like, sitting at home

thinking like, oh, I should beenriching myself right now.

And, like, I almost turn on,like, National Geographic

or, like, something about,like, nature.

Just, like, learn about bio,or whatever,

from my (bleep) TV.

And right before I changethe channel,

I always get super scared,'cause I'm like,

oh, shit, what if I getto that next channel

and whatever it isis about monkeys?

Because... I don't knowabout you guys--

I know that this is nota popular opinion--

but I (bleep) hate monkeys!

I hate monkeys.

And I knowthat everyone else loves them,

but for some reason, monkeysare, like, the only animal

out there where I am, like, soaware that they have genitals.

And, like...

No, and, like,I know they have (bleep),

like, catcher's mitt (bleep),

like, a (bleep)long straw wig on it,

just dragging leavesthrough the jungle.

And they're (bleep)always smiling,

but they neverbrush their teeth.

And it's just like,(bleep) be more like us

or less like us.

But in terms of evolution,I hate where you've parked.

Does that make sense?

(crowd cheering)

Yes! Good! You're with me!

(bleep) monkeys!