Gene Pompa - Calling Information

  • Season 8 , Ep 17
  • 03/25/2004
  • Views: 1,219

Could you tell me why there's no mouse-flavored cat food? (3:01)

BEFORE I CAME TO NEW YORK

I HEARD IT WAS THE CITY THAT

NEVER SLEEPS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I GOTTA BE HONEST WITH YOU.

I MEAN NO DISRESPECT.

I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT THAT.

I WAS CRUISING DOWN 2nd AVENUE

ABOUT 3:30 IN THE MORNING ON

TUESDAY.

[BLEEP] I SAW PEOPLE SLEEPING

ALL OVER THE [BLEEP]DAMN PLACE.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU SHOULD MODIFY THAT--

PEOPLE THAT NEVER SLEEP IN

THEIR OWN BED.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

SOMETIMES WHEN I'M REALLY,

REALLY BORED I LIKE TO CALL

INFORMATION, JUST ASK THEM

A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS THAT DON'T

HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH PHONE

NUMBERS.

I'LL CALL THEM UP.

THEY'LL GO, "WHAT CITY PLEASE?"

I SAY, "NO CITY, THIS IS

INFORMATION, RIGHT?

OKAY, CATS LIKE FISH.

THERE'S SHRIMP FLAVORED CAT FOOD

AND THERE'S TUNA FLAVORED

CAT FOOD.

CATS LIKE MOUSES, RIGHT?

HOW COME THERE'S NO MICE FLAVOR

OF CAT FOOD?

[LAUGHTER]

HOW COME THERE'S NO CAT FLAVORED

DOG FOOD?

[LAUGHTER]

AND HOW COME GINGER SMELLS GOOD

BUT GINGER-VITIS DOESN'T?"

[LAUGHTER]

I'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR A

LONG TIME.

I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO SEE

MY GIRLFRIEND.

SHE CALLED ME UP.

SHE WANTED US TO HAVE PHONE

SEX.

I'M NOT REALLY INTO PHONE SEX.

BUT TO MAKE HER HAPPY WE HAD

THE PHONE SEX.

IT WAS REALLY NICE 'TIL I GOT

THE RECEIVER STUCK IN MY BUTT.

[LAUGHTER]

SO I CALL THE PHONE COMPANY

AND THEY SAID, "WE CAN'T HELP

YOU.

PLEASE STOP CALLING HERE.

YOU NEED TO CALL A PLUMBER."

SO I CALLED THE PLUMBER.

I SAID, "I WAS HAVING PHONE SEX

WITH MY GIRLFRIEND AND I GOT

THE RECEIVER STUCK IN MY BUTT."

HE GOES, "HOLY CREEPERS, I CAN

BARELY HEAR YA.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU SOUND LIKE YOU GOT THE

PHONE STUCK UP YOUR ASS."

SO THE PLUMBER CAME OVER.

BUT I COULDN'T ANSWER THE DOOR

'CAUSE I ONLY HAD FOUR FEET OF

CORD.

[LAUGHTER]

I TOLD MY GRANDMA THAT STORY.

AND SHE GOES, "WELL, YOU NEED

TO GET A CELLULAR PHONE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SHE IS SO HELPFUL.

THANK YOU.

BEFORE I GO I READ THIS OTHER

ARTICLE RECENTLY THAT OFFICIALLY

NOW ONE IN THREE PEOPLE IN

NEW YORK ARE LATINO.

SO IF YOU LOOK TO YOUR LEFT

AND YOU LOOK TO YOUR RIGHT AND

NEITHER ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE LOOK

HISPANIC, FOLKS, YOU'RE,

IN FACT, A LATINO.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN GREAT.

MY NAME'S GENE POMPA.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

GOD BLESS YOU, NEW YORK!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

COMEDY CENTRAL.

Captioned By

mCCaptioning Services

Reseda, California.

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