Joe Zimmerman - Animal Attacks

Joe Zimmerman Season 3, Ep 14 07/25/2014 Views: 13,589

While jogging, Joe Zimmerman often daydreams about animals attacking him. (2:04)

I have a lot of anxiety.I jog for the anxiety.

Often, when I'm jogging,

I daydream aboutanimals attacking me.

Which does help me run faster.

Everywhere you go,there's different

animal attack strategies.

I was in Florida.This guy was like,

"If it's an alligator,run in a zigzag.

Everybody knows that."

I hadn't heard that.

"Glad we had this talk."

Aren't alligator's eyeson the sides of their head?

Wouldn't they see you moreif you're zigzagging?

Like, "There he is.

He's back."

"Good thing he's runninglike a weirdo."

"If he ran straight ahead,he'd be in my blind spot."

I know some attacks...Like, I know shark attack,

put it in a headlock,drag it to land.

Stupid shark.Can't even breathe.

It's like, grow up, shark.

Grow up.

I heard if you see a wolf,you're not supposed to smile.

It takes the teethas a sign of aggression.

Yeah, I don't knowwho sees a wolf...

and goes:

"It's a whole pack.Wave."

The wolves are smiling, too.

And there's some

snapping turtles that can be upto 300 pounds. Very vicious.

If you're attacked...

they say to put its headunderwater. Weak neck.

If I'm ever attackedby a 300-pound turtle,

my first movewill be to walk away.


I think step two is,if it chases,

you're gonnawant to keep walking.

Just don't take a nap.

That's when the turtle strikes.