Drake Witham - Non-Alcoholic Beer

Season 1, Ep 0106 08/24/2006 Views: 1,831

What's the point of non-alcoholic beer? (2:22)

I said, "Dad,that's the first time."

He said, "That's a lie.

No one ever gets caughtthe first time."

So that day I robbed the bank.

( laughter )

And he, uh, he was one to giveme something to cry about, too.

"I'll give you somethingto cry about."

So every week I give himsomething to cry about.

I call him up and I say, uh,"Hi, Dad. I'm a temp."

( laughter )

But the worst thing you say,

I think all parents say is"We'll see. We'll see."

"Dad, can we goto the ball game?"

"Ah, we'll see."

"We'll see" means"No, not now, not ever.

Give me another beer."

So I tried to use this on him,too:

"Hey, son, you think you mightbe getting a real job?"

"I don't know, Dad.We'll see."

( laughter )

"What about the smoking?

You think about giving upthe smoking?"

"We'll see."

My dad is real bigon the smoking.

He, uh, he likes to saythat nicotine

is more addictive than heroin.

I said, uh,

"We'll see."

( laughter )

( applause )

I think another problem I havewith the whole working world

is the fact thatI'm consistently hung over,

which is not a big dealexcept I no longer drink.

( laughter )

If you ever wantthe pounding headache

without the annoying buzz,

put away abouteight non-alcoholic beers.

Nice to make fun of people thatdrink the non-alcoholic beers

'cause, you know,what's the point?

Friday night, let's get bloated.

( laughter )

But I had one,I had another one.

I can't get enough those things.

I'm hooked.

I'm a non-alcoholic.

( laughter )

And then they, uh,and then a friend of mine

said to me, he said, uh,

"I don't knowwhy you waste your time

"drinkingthe non-alcoholic beers.

"Drinking a non-alcoholic beerwill...

That's like performing oral sexon a blow-up doll."

( laughter )

I said, uh, "We'll see."

( laughter and applause )

"Did you ever get caughtthe first time?"