Michael Che - Homeless Dave

Michael Che, Iliza Shlesinger, Hari Kondabolu, Michael Ian Black Season 3, Ep 5 08/17/2012 Views: 55,045

When you grow up really poor, the worst part of your life becomes your nickname. (2:28)

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I grew up in the projects, and

in the middle of our projectsthey build a homeless shelter.

And we used to tease the kidsthat lived in the shelter

'cause they was the only peoplewe knew poorer than us.

And we thought somehow theywere messing up our property

value by being homeless likethis.

I had a friend that livedin the shelter named

Homeless Dave and... wehad another Dave so...


That's what happens if yougrow up really poor and you

have a common name, we pickthe worst part of your life

and make it your new nickname.

Like, I had a friend we usedto call Robocop for years

because he wore braceson his legs...


and he walked likeRobocop to us.

It's messed up. Itwasn't his real name.

His real name was Crippled Greg

but we called himRobocop... 'cause...

I don't know.

I was in the hoodrecently and I, uh,

I walked into this bodega andI heard this dude yell out,

"nah, son, get theFiji! Evian is gross!"

I laughed for, like, threedays after that, man.

That's how dope it is to bean American.

Our poor people have specificwater tastes.

All our poor people gotcamera phones.

My nephew's got a cameraphone.

He's ten years old whichsucks for him because I can't

imagine what it must belike for him to go through

a fifth grade math class witha device in his pocket that

could answer all of life'squestions for him...

and show him pictures oftitties in high definition.

You want this kid to payattention in class, really?

He doesn't have attentiondeficit, he's got,

he's got titties in hispocket, is what he's got.

That's why he can't focus,man.

That's too much technologyfor a kid, man.

The closest thing I had to acamera phone when I was ten

was a calculator and I'd sit