THE PANEL THAT'S JUST LIKE CHELSEA LATELY ONLY BETTER.

BECAUSE ARE YOU[bleep] KIDDING ME?

PLEASE WELCOMEFROM NBC'S PARKS AND REC,

THE INCREDIBLY FAMOUSAZIZ ANSARI.

AND FROM HER RECENTCOMEDY CENTRAL SPECIAL,

MOSTLY SEX STUFF,MY FAVORITE, AMY SCHUMER.

- RIGHT? RIGHT?- YEAH.

- THANK YOU SO MUCHFOR BEING HERE, GUYS.

AZIZ, I JUST READA GREAT INTERVIEW WITH YOU.

YOU HAD ONE OF MYFAVORITE QUOTES EVER

I WANNA ASK YOU ABOUT.

"I COULD DO A TED TALKON DICK PHOTOS

AFTER ALL THE RESEARCHI'VE DONE."

- IT'S--IT'S TRUE.

I-I--UH, ON MY LAST TOURI HAD A BIT ABOUT DICK PHOTOS

AND I WOULD DO A SURVEY--LIKE,I'LL DO IT HERE.

CLAP--CLAP IF YOU'RE A WOMANIN THE AUDIENCE.

[cheers and applause]

- THAT'S A GREAT SURVEY.- YEAH.

- NOW CLAP IF A GUY HASSENT YOU A DICK PHOTO BEFORE.

[cheers and applause]

ISN'T THAT WAY HIGHERTHAN YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE?

IT'S THAT HIGH EVERYWHERE.

I THOUGHT IT'D BE, LIKE, 30%.

IT'S, LIKE, 70%...- YEAH.

- EVERYWHERE.

- NOW CLAP IF IT WAS AZIZTHAT SENT YOU THE PHOTO.

[louder cheers and applause]

- WOW.

- NOW LET'S GET RIGHT INTO IT

WITH THE BEST WORST THINGOF THE WEEK.

OF ALL THE AWFUL NEWS STORIES,THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE.

LAST WEEK THERE WAS A MANIAC COPLOOSE IN LOS ANGELES.

ACTUALLY,THERE ARE STILL THOUSANDS.

BUT ONLY CHRISTOPHER DORNERWAS CRAZY ENOUGH

TO RELEASE A RAMBLING MANIFESTO.

AND LIKE MOST MANIFESTOS,

HIS BIGGEST VENDETTAWAS AGAINST THE COMMA.

- [chuckles]

- DID YOU GUYSREAD THE MANIFESTO?

- I DID.DID YOU CHECK IT OUT?

IT'S, LIKE, THE LONGEST THINGI'VE EVER READ IN MY LIFE.

- YEAH, IT WAS, LIKE, A--IT WAS,LIKE, A PAGE, PAGE AND 1/2.

- YEAH.YEAH.

- NO.- [laughs]

- OH, SORRY, MENSA MEMBERSIN THE AUDIENCE TODAY.

- I WONDER IF HE, LIKE,SHOWED IT TO SOME FRIENDS BEFORE

AND HE WAS LIKE,"WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?

"DO YOU THINK THERE'SANY PARTS I COULD LOSE?

"DO YOU THINKIT'S TOO LONG RIGHT NOW?

DO YOU HAVE ANY EDITS?"

- THE WERE LIKE,"NO, MAN, IT'S GOOD.

IT'S ALL GOOD."

- I GOTTA SAY,OTHER THAN THE MURDERING,

AND ALL THAT STUFF,AND THE STUFF UP TOP,

WHEN HE GETS TO, LIKE,THE TV SHOWS AND STUFF,

I'M KINDA LIKE, HE DOESN'TSEEM LIKE A BAD DUDE.

I DON'T KNOW.- YEAH.

- YEAH.

- I UNDERSTAND IT, LIKE,WE'VE ALL HAD A COP FANTASY.