Jake Johannsen - Homeless Doctors

  • Season 7 , Ep 9
  • 04/03/2003
  • Views: 2,673

The best part about seeing a homeless doctor is never having to make an appointment. (1:25)

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THINKING

ABOUT PROBLEMS, I HAVE A PLAN

FOR THE HOMELESS, YOU KNOW, OF

COURSE WE'RE IN NEW YORK CITY.

YOU HAVE THE HOMELESS HERE--

AS HARD AS IT IS TO BELIEVE,

AND YOU KNOW, IT GETS COLD

IN THE WINTER HERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DO IN

JANUARY.

JUST GO OUT WITH A BIG SET

OF TONGS AND PICK THEM UP?

I FEEL BAD FOR THESE POOR

HOMELESS PEOPLE, YOU KNOW?

(LAUGHTER)

I FEEL BAD FOR THEM.

AND PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL YOU,

WELL, DON'T GIVE THE HOMELESS

MONEY, BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST

GONNA SPEND IT ON BOOZE OR

DRUGS, RIGHT?

WELL, I KIND OF FEEL LIKE "HEY,

THE GUY LIVES IN A BOX."

YOU KNOW, YEAH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

MAYBE HE COULD USE A DRINK.

(LAUGHTER)

SO, I DON'T MIND

IF THEY SPEND IT ON THAT.

BUT I CAN'T AFFORD TO BE GIVING

THEM ALL MONEY.

I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY A ROUND

FOR THE HOMELESS.

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH, MAYBE IF I WIN THE

LOTTERY, I'LL, YOU KNOW,

BELLY UP, HOMELESS PEOPLE.

TONIGHT, WE LIVE.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT I HAVE TO WIN THE LOTTERY

FOR THAT PLAN TO TAKE EFFECT.

SO, I NEED A BACK-UP PLAN.

AND HERE IT IS.

I'VE COMBINED THE HOMELESS

PROBLEM WITH THE HEALTH CARE

CRISIS.

SO, IN MY PLAN, WHAT WE DO

IS WE SEND THE HOMELESS

TO MEDICAL SCHOOL.

(LAUGHTER)

RIGHT.

NOW, THEY'VE ALL GOT GOOD JOBS,

AND WHENEVER YOU NEED A DOCTOR,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE

AN APPOINTMENT, BECAUSE THEY'RE

JUST OUT WALKING AROUND,

YOU KNOW?

YES.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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