John Oliver - Library

  • Season 2 , Ep 4
  • 04/14/2011
  • Views: 41,434

America, you don't need books. There are plenty of books in the world and plenty of people who've read them. It's not your area of expertise. (3:53)

(cheers and applause taper)THANK--THANK YOU.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, THAT WASA POWER I DIDN'T REALIZE I HAD.

WELL, I'VE LIVED HERE NOWIN THIS COUNTRY

FOR FOUR AND A HALF YEARS,AND I LOVE IT HERE.

AND ONE OF THE THINGSI LOVE MOST ABOUT THIS COUNTRY

IS I TRULY BELIEVE YOU AREA LOT MORE ECCENTRIC A NATION

THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELFCREDIT FOR.

YOU'RE MUCH WEIRDERTHAN YOU THINK YOU ARE.

NO, I CAN GIVE YOUPROOF OF THIS.

RECENTLY, I WENT TO BOISE,IDAHO, FOR THE FIRST

AND, GOD WILLING,FINAL TIME.

BUT THERE IS SOMETHINGIN BOISE

WHICH I WILL NEVER FORGETSEEING.

IN THE CENTER OF BOISEON THE MAIN STREET THROUGH IT,

THERE'S THIS HUGEGRAY BUILDING,

AND ON THE FRONTOF THE BUILDING

IN GIGANTIC YELLOW LETTERSIS ONE WORD,

AND THAT WORD IS "LIBRARY."

(laughter)

AND THEN THERE'SAN EXCLAMATION MARK.

(laughter)

AND I SPENT HOURS TRYINGTO FIGURE OUT

WHAT THAT EXCLAMATION MARKWAS REALLY TRYING TO SAY.

WAS IT, "I KNOW,

"I CAN'T BELIEVE BOISE'SGOT A LIBRARY EITHER.

"I DON'T KNOW WHEN IT GOT HEREOR WHEN IT'S LEAVING,

BUT I THINK WE HAVE TO LEARNTO LIVE WITH IT NOW."

OR WAS IT, "LIBRARY,EXCLAMATION MARK.

"JUST KIDDING.IT'S A CHUCK E. CHEESE.

"COME IN.

"GET THIS GUYSOME CINNAMON STICKS.

HE'S HAD A VERY SHOCKING EVENTHAPPEN."

(laughter)

BOISE DOESN'T NEEDA LIBRARY.

AMERICA DOESN'T NEEDLIBRARIES.

YOU DON'T NEED BOOKS HERE.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF BOOKSIN THE WORLD,

AND PLENTY OF PEOPLEWHO'VE READ THEM.

IT'S NOTYOUR AREA OF EXPERTISE.

(laughter)

(scattered applause)

THERE IS SOME GENUINE TENSIONIN THIS ROOM NOW AS--

AS IF YOU'RE COLLECTIVELYSAYING,

"YOU BETTER HAVE A (bleep) JOKETO UNDERCOUNT THAT PREMISE."

RELAX.

I'M ABOUT TO GIVE YOUA COMPLIMENT.

YOU DON'T NEED BOOKS.

STICK TO WHAT YOUARE TRULY GREAT AT--

TV.

NO ONE IN THE WORLD IS BETTERAT MAKING TV THAN YOU ARE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAJUST HOW GOOD

THE TV SHOW "WIPE OUT" IS?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAOF WHAT YOU'VE DONE?

YOU'VE SEEN IT,WHERE MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC

JUMP ACROSS GIGANTICINFLATABLE BALLS

BEFORE FALLING AND SUSTAININGWHAT I CAN ONLY IMAGINE

IS A COLOSSAL SPINAL INJURY.

(laughter)

WIPE OUT IS SO GOOD,

YOU'VE ESSENTIALLY FINISHEDTELEVISION.

(laughter)

IT'S OVER NOW.YOU COMPLETED IT.

WE HAVE REACHEDTHE KILL SCREEN OF TV.

AND IT TURNS OUT THATTHE KILL SCREEN IS A MAN

BEING REPEATEDLY SLAMMEDIN THE TESTICLES

BY A FOAM-COVEREDHYDRAULIC HAMMER.

(laughter)

WATCHING "WIPE OUT,"

YOU GET THAT CALM SENSATIONWASH OVER YOU

AS IF YOU'RE WATCHINGA NATION DOING EXACTLY

WHAT IT SHOULD BE DOINGAT THIS POINT IN ITS HISTORY.

BECAUSE WATCHING "WIPE OUT"

IS LIKE WATCHING THE LAST DAYSOF ANCIENT ROME.

(laughter)

OH, IT'S FUN,AND IT LOOKS SPECTACULAR,

BUT DEEP DOWN YOU KNOWIT CAN'T LAST FOREVER.

AND DON'T GET ME WRONG,

YOU MAKE GREAT QUALITY TVAS WELL.

I THINK "THE WIRE"

IS THE GREATEST TELEVISION SHOWEVER BROADCAST.(cheers and applause)

UNTIL I SAW "WIPE OUT."

(laughter)

AND NOW I JUST THINKIT'S OKAY.

I THINK IT'S FINE.

IT COULD DO WITH A FEW MOREPEOPLE FALLING OVER, THAT'S ALL.

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