DL Hughley - Ronald Reagan's Funeral

Season 1 , Ep 101 05/15/05 Views: 4,473

DL Hughley would like to personally apologize to the world for the movie "Soul Plane." (2:43)

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A BIG ASS BAG OF JIFFY POP,

DON'T IT JUST...

[LAUGHTER]

ONE OF THE POPCORN IS BURNED,

JESUS [BLEEP].

UH, IF YOU SAW SOUL PLANE,

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO Y'ALL

FOR THAT [BLEEP] RIGHT NOW,

THAT'S...

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S THE [BLEEP] MOVIE

EVER MADE I, I WAS SO

EMBARRASSED ABOUT THAT MOVIE

I CASHED MY CHECK WITH A

MASK ON, "HERE TAKE THIS

[BLEEP]."

I WOULD GIVE YOU YOUR MONEY

BACK BUT YOU CAN'T GIVE BOOTLEG

MONEY BACK CAN YOU, DAMN IT?

[LAUGHTER]

SEE THAT'S WHAT IT IS,

BLACK PEOPLE WE GOT DIFFERENT,

WE GOT DIFFERENT DESCRIPTIONS

LIKE AND NOW MARTHA STEWART IS

IN TROUBLE FOR INSIDER TRADING.

SEE WHITE FOLKS Y'ALL CALL IT

INSIDER TRADING.

BLACK FOLK CALL IT THE HOOK UP.

YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND UH...

WE GOT JUST DIFFERENCE

DESCRIPTIONS.

LIKE YOU GUYS CALL IT PIRACY,

BLACK PEOPLE CALL IT A BOOTLEG.

THAT'S THE DEAL.

YOU CALL IT COPYRIGHT

INFRINGEMENT AND WE CALL IT A

REMIX, YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M

SAYING?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

LOT OF STUFF IN THE NEWS.

UNFORTUNATELY RONALD REAGAN

PASSED ON AND THAT WAS VERY SAD

BUT THAT FUNERAL WAS TOO

[BLEEP] DAMN LONG.

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT...

FIVE DAYS!

IF BLACK PEOPLE AIN'T BURIED

YOU IN FIVE DAYS, WE DONE RAN

OUT OF MONEY THAT'S ALL THE

DONE HAPPEN.

[LAUGHTER]

OR WE WAITIN' FOR SOMEBODY

TO COME IN TOWN.

"YEAH, LUDELL WON'T FLY, SHE ON

THE GREYHOUND SO UH, WE GONNA

KEEP HIM ON ICE 'TIL SHE GET

HERE."

RONALD REAGAN DIED AND WENT ON

TOUR, AIN'T THAT A BITCH!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HE WAS GOING ALL AROUND THE

COUNTRY.

I DON'T...

AND THEN SOME REPORTER CAME ON,

"THE SHOCKING DEATH OF RONALD

REAGAN."

RONALD REAGAN WAS 93!

WHEN YOU 93 YOU SHOCKED YOU

WOKE UP AGAIN, THAT'S THE ONLY

THING SHOCKING ABOUT 93.

"OH, I GOT DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN,

HUH?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SOME REPORTER CAME ON AND SAID,

"HE WAS A GREAT MAN WHO CHANGED

THE WORLD AND MADE THE WORLD

BETTER FOR ALL MANKIND."

NOW HE MAY HAVE BEEN A GREAT

AMERICAN PRESIDENT TO SOME

PEOPLE BUT GREAT MEN WHO CHANGE

THE WORLD AND MAKE THE WORLD

BETTER FOR ALL MANKIND,

DO NOT GET TO DIE OF NATURAL

CAUSES.

SOMEBODY KILLS THEM.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S THE TRUTH.

THAT'S THE TRUTH.

JUST THE FACTS.

WHO DO YOU KNOW THAT DID

ANY GOOD THAT DIED OF OLD AGE?

NOT JESUS, JFK, MARTIN LUTHER

KING, WHEN YOU DO GOOD YOUR

REWARD IS A BULLET.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THIS DUDE LIVED LONGER THAN

JESUS, JFK AND TUPAC, ALL PUT

TOGETHER.

[LAUGHTER]

SO HE DIDN'T PISS OF THE RIGHT

PEOPLE THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

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