I LIVE IN A PLACE CALLEDWEST HOLLYWOOD
IN LOS ANGELES.
COULDN'T BE ANY GAYER.
THE GAYEST PLACEIN THE WORLD.
AT, LIKE, RAINBOW AVENUEAND BUTTHOLE ROAD
IS MY INTERSECTION.
AND I LOVE IT.AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVELIVING THERE, OKAY?
MY NEIGHBOR WHO LIVES BELOW MEIS A BEAR.
YOU GUYS KNOWWHAT A BEAR IS?
[scattered cheers]YEAH, IN THE GAY COMMUNITY,
IT'S A SHORT, STOCKY,HAIRY GUY.
HE LOOKS LIKE A BEAR, OKAY?
BUT THIS BEAR EATS PENIS.
I WOULD LOVE IF THERE WASA REAL GAY BEAR,
BY THE WAY,IN THE WOODS.
I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT,JUST A BEAR LIKE,
"OH, THIS HONEY'S GONNA GOTO MY THIGHS.
NO MORE PIC-A-NIC BASKETS."
BUT THIS BEAR TELLS ME,HE GOES, "DUDE,
YOU WOULD CRUSHIN THE GAY COMMUNITY."
A-THANK YOU, A-THANK YOU.
HE GOES, "BUT TRUST,YOU WOULD BE A BOTTOM.
FOR SURE,YOU'D BE A BOTTOM."
OKAY, SOME PEOPLE TOOK THATTHE WRONG WAY, THOUGH.
I GO, "THAT'S FINE,BUT BETTER BELIEVE,
I'LL BE A POWER BOTTOM, 100%."
A POWER BOTTOM.THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
I'D BE LIKE--YOU, SIR,IF YOU WERE POUNDING ME,
LIKE, IF YOU AND IWERE GOING AT IT--
WE HAVE SIMILAR SHIRTS ON.
IF YOU AND IWERE SMASHING,
LIKE, IF YOUWERE SMASHING THIS,
I'D LET YOU HAVE SOME.YOU WANNA PLAY?
LET'S GO.SIGN UP. SIGN UP.
THE SIGNUP SHEET'S OPEN.
BUT RIGHTAS YOU GOT STARTED,
I'D JUST SMASH YOURIGHT BACK, MAN.
SMASH YOU,BRUISING UP YOUR HIP.
BRUISING UP YOUR HIP,LETTING YOU KNOW WHO'S THERE.
LETTING YOU KNOWWHO'S THERE.
THEN, WHEN YOU LEASTEXPECT IT,
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT,
I'D JUST SNATCH YOURIGHT UP, DUDE.
HUH?
WHOSE GAME ARE YOU PLAYING?WHO'S GOT THE JOYSTICK, RIGHT?
UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN,
LEFT, LEFT, RIGHT, RIGHT,SELECT, START, "A," "B."
I KNOW WHAT IT IS.I GOT THE CODE, BRO.
I GOT IT.I GOT IT.
THEN I LET YOU GO--PUMP FAKE!
KOBE, SHOOT TWO,RIGHT BACK IN, BRO.
YOU'RE RIGHT BACK IN.YOU'RE GOING NOWHERE.
YOU'RE GOING NOWHEREWITH ME.
LOOK ME IN THE EYES.LOOK ME RIGHT IN THE FACE.
THEN I'M GONNA LET YOU GO.
I'LL LET YOU GO, RELAX,
BUT I'LL SNATCH YOUWAY OUT HERE.
OH, NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOINGSO FAR AWAY
FROM THE SHORE, CAPTAIN?
[laughs,imitates fog horn]
AHOY, OKAY?
GONNA SWOOP YOU RIGHT IN,GIVE YOU BANANA DICK.
BANANA DICK, RIGHT THERE,FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
YEP.
[cheers and applause]