it's timefor tonight's #HashtagWars.
This may not comeas any surprise to you,
but this year'spresidential nominees
are the least popularof all time.
One of the main thingspeople are saying is that, uh,
they're gonna be votingfor the lesser of two evils.
But if we votefor the lesser of two evils,
we still end up with-- an evil.
but there haveto be better reasons
for electing the next presidentof our United States of America.
That's why tonight's hashtag is#ImVotingBecause.
And it's very important,you need to get out and vote,
you need to get out and voteor you can't (bleep) complain.
-(cheering, applause)-That's it. You can't...
you don't get to complain.
it is our right as Americansto bitch
as long as you vote.
As long as you vote,you can bitch all you want.
So, examples might be-- I wantto feel superior to teens,
or, I'm gonna use that "I voted"sticker to cover a scar.
I put 60 seconds on the clock,and begin.
-Johnathan. -I'm votingbecause I look like this.
-All right, points.-(laughter, whooping, applause)
-Wait, when is it?-Uh, points.
-Uh, Johnathan.-I'm voting because if I don't,
my 12 Years a Slave screenplay book club
-would be very upset with me.-All right, points.
Um, I heard 3Kand an "I voted" sticker
-gets you into Hamilton. -All right, points.
-Jordan.-I'm voting because feminism
is the new patriarchy,and I'm here for it.
-WETTERLUND: Whoo!-All right, points.
-Alice Wetterlund.-Okay, okay, I'm voting
because there's a differencebetween unpopular and evil.
-All right. Points.-Okay.
I'm voting because these fingersare not for picking,
-they're for rolling, okay?Um... -All right, points.
I'm voting becauseI have Tuesday off, so...
Yeah, okay, points.Yeah, (bleep). Come on.
I'm voting becausemy Mexican mechanic
said he'd give me a dealif I did.
HARDWICK:All right, points.
Uh, I like sayingI did a civic duty.
(laughing):You, good answer.