Brian Posehn - Suicide Squads

  • Season 6, Ep 8
  • 06/09/2002
  • Views: 4,242

Why won't anyone kill themselves for Uncle Sam? (1:24)

BRIAN POSEHN>> I WATCH A LOT OF

TV, A LOT OF NEWS.

YOU KNOW WHENEVER YOU SEE

RIOT FOOTAGE ON TV, YOU KNOW,

SOMEBODY THROWING A BRICK

IN PAKISTAN OR SOMEBODY THROWING

A FIERY PIECE POO THROUGH A

STARBUCKS WINDOW UP IN SEATTLE.

YOU EVER SEE ANYBODY THROW

ANYTHING UNDERHAND?

(LAUGHTER)

I THINK IT JUST TAKES ALL

THE AGGRESSION OUT OF THE ACT.

YOU'D NEVER SEE ANYBODY GO

"(BLEEP) THE GOVERNMENT."

AH-HUH.

(LAUGHTER)

I DON'T THINK IT HELPS

YOUR CAUSE, IT JUST MAKES YOU

LOOK LIKE A PUSS.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

I GET SO FREAKED OUT WITH

TERRORISM AND THE SUICIDE SQUADS

AND STUFF LIKE THAT, IT'S ALWAYS

SCARED ME, IT'S ALWAYS

FRIGHTENED ME.

AND THE THING THAT PISSES ME OFF

IS THAT WE DON'T HAVE GUYS

THAT WILL DO THAT ON OUR SIDE.

WE DON'T HAVE GUYS THAT WILL

DO THAT FOR UNCLE SAM.

WE DON'T HAVE SUICIDE SQUADS,

WE DON'T HAVE GUYS THAT WILL

PUT DYNAMITE ONTO A VAN AND

DRIVE IN TO A TALIBAN CHURCH

PICNIC PIE EATING CONTEST...

TAKE EVERYBODY OUT.

I THINK, IF WE WANTED TO,

WE COULD SET UP A GOVERNMENT RUN

SUICIDE HOT LINE NUMBER.

GET KIDS CALLING ALL HOURS

OF THE NIGHT DEPRESSED.

(LAUGHTER)

"I HATE MY MOM, I HATE MY LIFE,

I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF."

"HEY, THAT'S REALLY TOO BAD.

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

A STICK SHIFT?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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