Al Madrigal - Highly Allergic

  • Season 2 , Ep 6
  • 04/28/2011
  • Views: 14,945

If you want to mess with Al Madrigal, you don't have to heckle him -- just throw a fabric softener sheet on the stage. (2:14)

AND SO IS HIS DAD.

(laughter)

AND I FIND MYSELF BEINGEXTRA NICE TO THEM

LIKE I'M TRYING TO BEREALLY--

I'M NOT SURE IF YOU GET THATALL THE TIME.

YOU GET PEOPLE, LIKE,TRYING TO OVERCOM--

'CAUSE I WANT HIM TO KNOWI'M ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS

AND I'M NOT ONE OFTHESE RACIST GUYS, RIGHT?

LIKE THIS GUY.

(laughter)

I'M SUPER NOT RACIST,YOU KNOW?

SO I WANNA MAKE SURETHAT I'M EXTRA NICE

I'VE EVEN LET BLACK PEOPLEHARM ME,

AND I JUST LET IT GO,ALL RIGHT?

I WENT TO A BLACK BARBER SHOPIN PHILADELPHIA.

COOLEST BLACK GUYS IN THEREYOU'VE EVER SEEN.

LOOKS LIKE THREE GENERATIONSOF BLAIR UNDERWOOD

ARE GETTINGTHEIR (bleep) TRIMMED.

LOOKED LIKE BOYS II MENWERE SINGING FOUR-PART HARMONY

CUTTING HAIR, RIGHT?

PICTURES OF ERYKAH BADUEVERYWHERE.

AND I GET THE STRAIGHT RAZORSHAVE.

YOU GUYS KNOW WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT?

THE OLD-TIMEY SHAVE WITH THE HOTTOWEL ON YOUR FACE AND LATHER?

NOW I'M HIGHLY ALLERGIC.

I TAKE CLARITIN ALMOSTEVERY DAY.

I HAVE AN INHALER.I USE AN ALMAY DEODORANT.

I'M NOT SURE IF IT'SFOR WOMEN,

BUT IT'S HYPOALLERGENIC,AND I'VE GOT SENSITIVE PITS.

AND IF ANYBODYWANTS TO MESS WITH ME,

NO NEED TO HECKLE.

ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS THROWA FABRIC SOFTENER UP HERE AND--

(laughter)

BOUNCE IS MY KRYPTONITE.

ALL RIGHT, SO--LIKE, BODY SPRAY.

I GET THE SHAVE,AND THEN THE GUY TAKES

A HANDFUL OF THIS AQUA VELVA

EUCALYPTUS AFTERSHAVETIMES 10 (bleep)

THAT ONLY BLACK GUYSKNOW ABOUT,

AND HE SLAPS IT ON MY RAW FACE,AND I CAN IMMEDIATELY FEEL

MY SKIN JUST GO, "HOLY (bleep)WHAT THE (bleep) IS THAT?

THAT IS NOT ON THE LISTOF ACCEPTABLE PRODUCTS!

THAT IS NOT ON THE LISTOF ACCEPTABLE PRODUCTS!

WHAT'S HAPPENING?WHAT'S HAPPENING?"

BUT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING 'CAUSEI WANTED THESE BLACK GUYS

TO THINK I'M COOL AND I WANTEDTHEM TO LIKE ME.

WHAT AM I GONNA SAY, EXCUSE ME,EXTREMELY COOL BLACK GUYS,

WHAT TYPE OF AFTERSHAVEDO YOU HAVE THERE?

'CAUSE I'M HIGHLY ALLERGIC.

I TAKE A CLARITINALMOST EVERY DAY,

AND I COULDN'T HAVE DAIRYWHEN I WAS A KID.

I GOT A LITTLE BIT OF ROSACEA,DON'T KNOW WHAT CAUSES IT.

(laughter)

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

THOSE GUYS COULD HAVE RUBBEDA CAT,

SOME POLLEN AND THEIR WIENERSON MY FACE

AND I WOULD HAVE JUST GONE, "OH,THE OLD CAT AND WIENER SHAVE.

THANKS A LOT, FELLAS."(laughter)

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