Nick Swardson - Drinking

Nick Swardson: Seriously Who Farted? Season 1, Ep 101 10/11/2009 Views: 108,782

Alcohol makes fast food taste amazing, which is just one of the reasons why Nick Swardson loves to drink. (1:51)

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YEAH, NO, IT'S A PLEASURETO BE HERE, MAN.

IT'S A GOOD TOWN.

I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUTWHERE I WAS GONNA DO MY SPECIAL.

AND I WANTED TO PICKA KICK-ASS PARTY TOWN!

[cheers and applause]

YEAH, I LIKE TO PARTY,LIKE TO DRINK.

I LOVE--I LOVE DRINKING.

IT'S REALLYMY FAVORITE THING.

[cheers and applause]

IT'S VERY ENJOYABLE.

HEH.

I LIKE--I LIKE DRINKING,

'CAUSE, LIKE,NOTHING BOTHERS ME.

LIKE, I DON'T CARE...

I CAN'T BE FAZED.

IF I'M SOBERAND SOMEONE'S LIKE,

"DUDE, YOUR CAR IS ON FIRE,"

I'M LIKE,"FUCK! WHO DID IT?"

IF I'M DRUNK, LIKE,"DUDE, YOUR CAR IS ON FIRE,"

I'M LIKE,"GOOD, FUCK MY CAR, BRO.

MY CAR'S A DICK."

I HATE MY CAR.

I ALSO LIKE DRINKING

'CAUSE IT MAKES FAST FOODTASTE AMAZING ALL OF A SUDDEN.

[cheers and applause]

LIKE LITERALLY AMAZING.

IT'S LIKE NOT EVEN A JOKE.IT'S A FACT.

LIKE, YOU HAVEFAST FOOD SOBER,

I'LL GO TO, LIKE,TACO BELL.

AND I'LL BE LIKE,"WHAT IS THIS?"

SOBER, I'M LIKE,"I GUESS IT'S ALL RIGHT."

WHEN YOU'RE, LIKE,BLACKOUT DRUNK,

YOU'RE LIKE,"WHAT IS THIS?

"WHAT MAGIC TREATHAS ENTERED MY HAND?

"ARE WE IN NARNIA?

"OH, MY LORD.

"WHAT FIVE-STAR CHEFDO THEY HAVE BACK THERE?

THIS IS THE FOOD OF GODS."

[snickers]

I USED TO WORK AT TACO BELL,WHICH IS TRUE.

[cheers and applause]

YEAH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW, AND IT'S GREATWORKING THERE,

'CAUSE YOU GET FREE...

DIARRHEA.

YEAH.

YOU DO NOTHAVE TO PAY FOR IT.

[laughs]

IT'S QUITE A PERK.