Andy Kindler - Self-Defense

Jimmie Walker & Andy Kindler Season 1, Ep 0141 02/24/1992 Views: 798

Andy's friends taught him some self-defense moves. (1:31)

COMING OUT OF A BAR

THIS GUY COMES UP AND HITS MEIN MY EAR AS HARD AS HE COULD.

WELL, I'M NOT EVEN SUREIT WAS AS HARD AS HE COULD

BUT IT WAS PLENTY ENOUGHFOR ME, OKAY?

I'M NOT SURE THIS WAS A FIGHT,BECAUSE I DIDN'T HIT BACK

SO I'M NOT SURE IF THAT'DBE MORE OF A BEATING...

PERHAPS A PUMMELINGIS MORE LIKE IT.

THIS GUY HITS MEBUT I STILL USE SELF-DEFENSE

WHICH CONSISTS OF HOLDING MY EARWHILE BACK-PEDALING FURIOUSLY.

( laughter )

MY FRIENDS TAUGHT ME SOMESELF-DEFENSE MOVES.

THESE ARE PRETTY GOOD.

IF YOU EVER GET IN A FIGHT

YOU GO OUT TO YOUR CARWITH YOUR KEYS LIKE THIS

YEAH, I'M INVULNERABLE NOW.

PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SCATTERWHEN THEY SEE THESE BABIES.

IT'S A HONDA KEY, IT'S PRETTYDAMN SHARP, DON'T MAKE ME...

"OW, THAT'S NOT GOINGTO HEAL PROPERLY EITHER.

DON'T MAKE ME...

DON'T MAKE MEOPEN UP MY CAR DOOR

I GOT A CIGARETTE LIGHTERIN THERE!

LEAVES A NASTY LITTLE ROUND SCAR

AFTER IT TAKESABOUT A HALF HOUR TO HEAT UP.

DON'T MAKE ME DO A JOKEWITH A LONGER PUNCH LINE.

I'LL USE THEM.

MY FRIEND TAUGHT ME

YOU CAN SHOVE SOMEONE'S NOSERIGHT THROUGH THEIR BRAIN.

I CAN'T EVEN WATCHSOMEONE BLOW THEIR NOSE.

IN A FIGHT, I'M GOINGTO BE RUNNING OR BEGGING.

THAT'S MY TWO CHOICES.

"OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD,PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.

"HEY, THAT WOMANOVER THERE HAS CASH.

SHE JUST CAME OUT OF AN A.T.M.,GET HER, GET HER!"

LOOK AT MY FACE.

ALL RIGHT!

REPUBLICANS, REPUBLICANS...