The Future of Congressional Gridlock

January 5, 2017 - Keegan-Michael Key 01/05/2017 Views: 26,226

Jordan Klepper and Desi Lydic weigh in on the consequences of Senate Democrats' vengeful vow to block any of President-elect Trump's Supreme Court justice nominees. (5:18)

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Now, now, Obamacareisn't the only thing

the new Congressis fighting about.

It looks like there will beeven less cooperation

on the fillingof the Supreme Court.

Remember how Republicans blockedObama's nominee for ten months?

Well, now it looks like

Democrats are aboutto return the favor.

We are not going to settle ona Supreme Court nominee.

If they don't appoint someonewho's really good,

we're gonna oppose 'emtooth and nail.

MAN: Mitch McConnell is firing back at Senator Schumer

for threatening to block President-Elect Trump's pick

for the vacancy in the Supreme Court.

-The Democrats want revenge...-Yeah.

...because they feel badly abouthow the Republicans treated them

regarding Merrick Garland.

Oh, revenge for Merrick Garland.

That sounds like the worstkung fu movie plot ever.

(laughter)

Hmm. You blocked my SupremeCourt nominee ten years ago.

Hmm. Now I will block you.

-(goofy grunting)-(laughter)

Hmm. Huh. (neighing)

-Donkey attack.-(laughter)

Ser... But seriously, though,this is a question I have is,

where does it all end?

Like, what doesall this gridlock mean

for America's future,because at some point...?

KLEPPER:Trevor, uh, I can answer that.

Oh, is that...?It's Jordan Klepper, everybody.

-Yes.-Jordan Klepper.

(applause and cheering)

That is right,and as you can see,

I am reporting to youfrom the future.

-Byoooh! -(laughter)

It's the year 2067,and I have to warn you

about the frightening stateof our government.

-It's in total collapse. Well...-Wait, wait.

Jordan, I'm sorry.You're in the future?

I don't want to hearabout the government, man.

Tell me cool future stuff, dude.

Uh, okay, but quickly.

We found life on Mars,but they're not really our type.

Um... no one wears socksanymore.

Turns outthat was just a marketing scam.

-(laughter)-And these days,

women actually prefer small penises.

-(laughter)-Oh, no.

Oh, yeah!It's a great time to be alive!

-(laughter, applause)-Anyway,

let me get backto our crumbling democracy.

You know how in 2017,everyone assumed

the gridlock couldn'tget any worse?

Well, they were wrong.

Both parties refusedto compromise on anything,

and now this legislative branchhas ceased to function.

No bills pass, no moneyallocated to anything,

and definitelyno Supreme Court confirmations.

Jordan, I'm confused.

So what does Congress doall day?

-Mostly pudding wrestling.-(laughter)

I'm sorry. Pudding wrestling?

-Why pudding?-You have no idea

how much pudding we havein the future, Trevor.

I mean, I don't even have timeto go into it now.

Okay, fine. So if Congress isconfirming justices anymore,

then,who's on the Supreme Court?

Well, everyone's died offexcept for one justice.

Now it's just lonely old Ruth.

Wait. Wow.

(laughter, applause & cheering)

Are you serious?In the future,

Ruth Bader Ginsburgis still alive?

-Sort of.-(laughter)

She's Ruth Bader Gins-Borg now.

-(laughter) -Half cyborg,half sassy old woman.

Oh, Jordan, I feel likethey could have gotten rid

of the skeletons at least.I mean...

Oh, well, yeah,Americans thought so, too,

but that's how gridlockedCongress is.

They can't even agreeon the Skeleton Removal Bill.

-(laughter) -And Ginsborg isbasically all-powerful now

on every issue--gun rights, abortion.

You know howin amusement park rides

you used to haveto be this high?

-Now she made it this high.-(laughter)

Now everybody can rideexcept Kevin Hart.

-(laughter)-Look, that's not all.

She also swapped the meaningof the thumbs up

and the middle finger,which is a great move, Ruth.

-(laughter)-She's gone mad with power.

Now when I go out for a steak,I have to eat

-at Ruth's Ruth Steak House.-(laughter)

-Whatever she says goes.-Jordan,

that is insane,but it can't go on forever.

I mean, what's gonna happenwhen Ginsborg passes away?

-I...-LYDIC: Oh, I can tell you that.

Oh, is that Desi?It's Desi Lydic, everybody.

-Desi Lydic's joining us now.-(applause and cheering)

Yup, that's right,and as you can see,

I am reporting to youfrom even further in the future.

-(laughter)-It is the year 2087.

Ruth Bader Ginsborgfinally short-circuited,

and we couldn't find anyoneto fix her.

I mean, my son could,but nobody listens to him

because of his huge penis.

(laughter)

Anyway, with no Supreme Courtjustices left,

we had to come upwith a whole new way

of settling ourconstitutional disputes.

Oh, let-let me guess-- you do itthrough pudding wrestling.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Puddingis extremely rare in 2087.

I don't even have timeto get into it right now.

No, now everything is decidedby online voting.

You want to legalizerobot marriage?

Just text your voteto Washington.

Oh, Desi, I...I hate to question you,

but if it's 2087, why are youstill using today's iPhone?

What? No.

No, no, no.This is iPhone, uh...

(mumbling)

42... S.

So if you'rein the future, Desi...

and if I call you...

-(ringtone playing)-Nope. Not my phone.

It's not me.Definitely not me.

-(ringtone stops) -Desi, you'renot... you're not in the future.

Okay, fine, fine,I'm not in the future. Big deal.

Jordan, you'realso not in the future.

Okay, yes,we were totally lying to you.

But... it's still trueabout the penises.

(laughter)

But-but we weren't lying abouthow much congressional gridlock

-is gonna (bleep) America.-Yeah. It's a very real problem.

So why did you dress uplike Lady Gaga's bridesmaids?

(laughter)

Well, because nobody believespeople's warning...

-warnings in the present.-Yeah, it's like how

you can tell peopleall about global warming,

but until they're brushing theirteeth with their own urine,

they're not reallygonna give a (bleep).

It makes sense, guys.Thanks for trying.

But don't lie next time.Don't lie.