Lavell Crawford - Becoming Rich

Lavell Crawford: Can a Brother Get Some Love? Season 1, Ep 0101 08/12/2011 Views: 13,661

Lavell Crawford describes what his reaction would have been if he had won the $250,000 on "Last Comic Standing." (2:37)

YEAH!

YEAH-AH!

ST. LOUIS!

[cheers and applause]DAMN RIGHT.

THIS IS HOW A BROTHERFROM ST. LOUIS

SUPPOSED TO GET SOME LOVERIGHT HERE, BABY.

[cheers and applause]

I KNOW Y'ALL CAN SEE ME.

I'M BIG ENOUGH.

I KNOW Y'ALL--I KNOW Y'ALL WAY UP THERE

BE LIKE, "DAMN, HE'S STILL BIGWAY UP HERE."

[laughter][laughs]

MAN, I HAD TO COMEBACK HOME, BOY.

SO HAPPY TO BE BACK HOME.

I WENT ON LAST COMIC STANDING,AND I TOOK SECOND.

AND, YOU KNOW, I HAD TO DRIVEHOME AND DO NO DAMN SHOW.

I WAS CRYINGLIKE A FAT-ASS BABY.

I WAS LIKE, "AIN'T NOBODYEVEN GIVE ME NO LOVE.

AIN'T BOOKED ME [bleep]."

I WAS LIKE,"WHY I AIN'T DID ST. LOUIS?

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?"AND I WANTED TO WIN

THAT MONEY BAD AS HELL TOO.

IT WAS $250,000.

I WANTED TO WIN THAT [bleep]LIKE A SON OF A BITCH.

I WAS GONNA CLOWN WHEN I WONTHAT GODDAMN MONEY.

[applause]I WAS GONNA CLOWN, BOY.

I HAD SOME PHONE CALLSTO MAKE.

ONE PHONE CALL I WAS GONNA MAKETO THIS UGLY-ASS HEIFER

THAT TURNED ME DOWNIN HIGH SCHOOL.

[laughter and applause][bleep]

"HELLO, IS THIS AISHA?

YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME,BITCH."

[laughter][laughs]

"BUT I JUST WON $250,000.

REMEMBER THAT TIME I ASKEDYOU TO GO TO DINNER

AND YOU TOLD ME YOU WEREALLERGIC TO FAT PEOPLE?

WELL, BITCH, HOW YOU FEEL NOW?

'CAUSE I'M ALLERGIC TO BITCHES."

CLICK.

[cheers and applause]HELL YEAH.

AND I WAS GONNA CALLMY TEACHER, MISS MURPHY.

I WAS GONNA CALLHER FUNKY ASS.

"HELLO, IS THIS MRS. MURPHY?"[imitating] "WHO IS THIS?"

"THIS IS LAVELL CRAWFORD.

YOU REMEMBER WHEN I WASIN YOUR CLASS

AND YOU SAID I WOULDNEVER AMOUNT TO NOTHING?

WELL, BITCH,I WON $250,000.

AND I STILL DON'T KNOWWHAT THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE

WAS ALL ABOUT."

[cheers and applause]