Uncensored - Giraldo Tribute - Memorable Moments at the Roasts

Season 1 , Ep 101 03/18/11 Views: 8,348

Jeff Ross and Nick Swardson reminisce about the best parts of Greg Giraldo's Roast performances, and Bob Saget reveals how he really felt when he was being roasted. (2:31)

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- THERE'S A FUN COMPETITIONAT A ROAST

WHERE YOU WANNA HAVE THAT--THAT BEST JOKE, YOU KNOW.

AND IT'S--IT'S GOOD BECAUSEIT KEEPS THE BAR HIGH.

- GREG WOULD GO ON FIRST,

WHICH OBVIOUSLY ALL THE COMICSARE VERY JEALOUS OF

BECAUSE HE GETS TO JUST,YOU KNOW.

HE'D SAY, "WELL, I HAVETO BREAK THE ICE."

YOU KNOW, "I HAVE TO BREAK--I GOTTA DO MY OWN WARM-UP.

I GOTTA BREAK THE ICE."

HE WOULD CRUSH THE ICE.

- WHAT A TEENY LITTLE PIMP.

MAN, BEING A PIMPAIN'T EASY,

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU GOTTASTAND ON PHONE BOOKS

TO SMACK A BITCH.

KATHY, YOU LOOK LIKERONALD MCDONALD

FUCKED LUCILLE BALL'S CORPSE

THEN PUSHED IT DOWNA FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

LISA ACTUALLY HAS A LOT INCOMMON WITH THAT OCTOMOM.

SHE'S NEVER GIVEN BIRTH,BUT SHE HAS HAD 80 FINGERS

INSIDE HERAT THE SAME TIME.

- EVEN, LIKE,THE CABLE GUY ROAST

IS ARGUABLY ONE OFTHE FUNNIEST TEN MINUTES

I THINK I'VE EVER SEENANYWHERE EVER.

AND I MEAN, LIKE,OUT OF ANYTHING.

IT'S JUST A FUCKING TORNADO.

YOU'RE LIKE THE TROJAN ARMY.

YOU'RE BIG, PATRIOTIC,

AND YOU BOTH CAME INSIDEA GIANT HORSE.

YOU GRAVY-SWEATINGCOUSIN FUCKER.

LARRY FUCKED HIS FIRSTCOUSIN WHEN HE WAS 16.

AND HIS LAST ONEABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

- HE WOULD ROAST EVERYTHINGABOUT THE PERSON.

YOU KNOW, AND EVENTUALLY,LIKE, HIS REAL FEELINGS

COULD COME THROUGH,YOU COULD SEE, YOU KNOW?

HE STOPPED MAKING JOKES ATA CERTAIN POINT AND HE SAID...

- HOW THE FUCKARE YOU SO POPULAR?

[laughter]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

THIS ONE FINALLYBROKE MY BACK.

- I THINK HE REALLY WANTED LARRYTHE CABLE GUY TO ANSWER HIM

IN SOME WAY.

BOB SAGET, EVERYBODY.HUH, BOB SAGET.

- GREG'S THE FIRST PERSONOUT OF THE GATE,

WHICH IS--ANY GOOD COCKFIGHT,

YOU SEND OUTYOUR BEST ROOSTER.

AND I'M JUST SITTING THERE.

AND WHEN I SAY COCKFIGHT...

- WHO GIVES A SHITABOUT BOB SAGET?

BOB, YOU ARE A GENITAL WARTON THE COCK OF AMERICAN CULTURE.

- AND I'M LOOKINGLIKE I'M HAPPY.

BUT MY POSTURE'S BAD,

AND I WAS NOT, LIKE,OVERJOYED.

AND I WAS GETTINGMIND RAPED.

AND EVERYTHING HE SAIDWAS RIGHT.

- YOU ARE A VORTEXOF ARTISTIC COMPROMISE.

CHARLIE SHEEN WATCHES YOUAND FEELS GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF.

[laughter]

- THE STAGE MANAGER YELLS,

"JOEL WANTS YOU TO SIT UP ANDLOOK LIKE YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS."

- NO, JUST YOU LOOKEDA LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

- AND I'M LIKE, WHAT?

SEE, THAT'S WHAT I HAVETO CONTRIBUTE.

IT'S NOT MUCH.

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